tears never end~why?

bila aku masuk blog. mmg ada something yg aku mau luahkan. keadaan menjadi teruk bila aku mau betulkan keadaan. aku mau bantu. tapi aku terlibat sama.

this moment i only can let my tears fall down. i can't say anything more.

i try to explain. but she don't understand. im not sure why she don't understand. make me feel stress and whatver lah.

aku fikir aku nda kan bermusuh dengan siapa2 lagi lepas ni. tapi skrg musuh pun sudah bertambah. aku cuba bagi penjelasan yg amat terang tapi dia nda faham. dia just pihak dan terus memihak. aku cakap lain. ia ckp lain. aku yang jadi bingung. dulu aku bela diri aku tentang sesuatu. dan aku terus d benci. dan skrg bila aku cuba bela diri aku. sejarah berulang. d benci juga. aku nda kesah aku d benci oleh kau or kamu. pasal aku tau mana yang salah mana yang betul.

aku betul2 sedih. saat ni. aku nangis. pasal tiada tempat untuk aku mengadu. aku ingat pergaduhan2 ni semua sudah berakhir bila tamatnya sekolah menengah. tapi skrg apa? berulang lagi.

apa sebenarnya salah aku? aku cuma bela diri aku. aku cuma cakap benda yang betul. knp memihak dkt dia? aku cuma positifkan diri aku. mgkn dia kurang faham apa yg aku sampaikan. apa boleh buat lah. aku migrain!

wish never come true~

alright. this picture from facebook game. "it girl". now im in level 18. i love the game so much. know why? because, i assume the girl in the game was me. hahaha. perasan. hmmm. nda pa la bha perasan dlm game sja, jangan saja perasan d real life. nanti orang fikir gila la pula. haha.

so, why my title wish never come true. yupyup. i never had a dream come true. i wanna be like the girl in the game. i mean "it girl" game.

fun playing this game. :)

all the dress, blouse, jacket, heels, accessories and so on. so beautiful.

well, how i wanna be like that? any suggestion? :p

huh? guess who is this? ummm. yah. ni anak saya. my anak buah. hahaha. lol~

this is my nephew. his name is luke. my older sister pnya son. :)

still remember melody? her lil brother lah this. melody and luke. both of them i will take care when my sister working. :) being a baby sitter is not bad actually. can learn new things.

but now, nda la susah. because anty dorang yang jaga dorang b4 this. still here. but when she going back to kota kinabalu. there will be so much trouble.

kenapa trouble? because.....luke still afraid. afraid of what? arrrggghhh! takut saya lahhhh! im not sure why. maybe dia nda biasa sama saya. so, dia takut lah. pantang saja saya tengok dia. mesti dia nangis. *sigh*

mcm mana la mau jaga dia ni? macam mana mau buat dia tidak takut sama saya? any suggestion? kalau dia menangis. saya kesian juga tengok. mau juga saya dukung dia. tapi bila saya tengok saja dia. dia nangis. do i look like a ghost? luke luke luke. :(

what happen actually?

aarrrgghhh! masuk2 blog ja mesti ada yang mau diluahkan. today is 9th december 2010. this is my 3rd day in kl staying with my sister and her child also with her husband and also with her sister in law that until the 3rd day i dont even know her name. actually, i can be friendly like always. but this few days, i mean since i arrive in kl. i do have problem. im sick. coughing all the time. and rasanya i wanna cabut my tekak and kasi masuk dalam freezer. biar la my tekak sana kesejukan. betebiat kan mau sakit. my mom angry, and said that 'tulah kau terlampau merokok'. but mom! im cough not because im smoking but because i eat tooooo many sweet on 5th december 2010. see! yeah. i still remember lah. because my memory masih kuat. and now im not just sick of coughing but now and right now! saya migraine! tell u what huh. my migraine ni tidak pandai hilang since 7th december 2010. alrite. i already eat founstan (sorry if salah spell). yup. i already eat that medicine. but still not ok. i sleep well. but why im having migraine for 3 days berturut2? shit! i hate you migraine! i don't want you anymore in my life! sangat sedih dengan apa yang saya alami sekarang ni. dan juga sangat stress. hari ni i smoke 2 batang rokok sambil memikirkan whats wrong with my head! mau minta kena hantak kali di dinding! owh god. please help me. i really need your help right now. please heal me. saya tidak mau sakit lagi. sengsara. i don't like. this migraine kan buat saya no mood. mau becerita ka apa ka. i have no mood lah. and now. saya baru ja lepas mandi. ada orang cakap. kalau migraine. bagus mandi. hilang tu. but thats not true! haish. im so sad. i hate migraine. i do really hate you MIGRAINE!

this is melody. my niece. my first sister punya anak prempuan yg gumuk!!! hehe. hmm. saja ja mau tulis blog pasal baby girl ni. hehe. just now aku bagi mandi dia. paasal dia sda terberak d pampers. hahaha. nakal la c melody ni. dalam toilet pun nakal. main2 air. well, thats what we call "budak". hehehe. 1st challenge for today sudah beres. walaupun sakit terpaksa la kuatkan tenaga. sengsara betul sakit ni. kan. takut pla anak kecil ni terjangkit. im totally happy with melody. cuz, dia nda takut sama aku lagi. before this memang dia takut. tapi semalam time smpai kl sda. dia melekat ja sma aku. klu sebelum ni aku mau dukung pun susah. nangis trus. and now the problem is, adik c melody ni. luke!! dia lagi belum biasa sama aku. takut dia sama aku. macam mana la aku mau jaga dia kalau dia takut sama aku. *sigh*.

hehe, nyaway aku betul mau cepat sehat. sengsara sakit ni. batuk sja nda pndai habis2!! :(

sigh sigh sigh sigh!

today is 2nd december 2010. hmm. the power is now! i choose to be happy. not to choose to be sad or moody. or watever it is lah. im trying very hard to be the best for u. but this few days. u didnt give any cooperation wif me. im tired lah wanna be with u. can we just stop all of this. i cant stand anymore. dont u know tat? dont u realize about it? please. if u want this relationship go on. be matured.