THE FIRST POST FOR 2011!

this is my first post for 2011... "diary of my life" u will always become my punching bag... okay?

so... whats up with the picture... well... its my first picture that i captured using my phone... yala... wanna make something special for the first day in 2011... so... take picture la for 1/1/2011...

nothing so much to write actually for this post... just wanna say "hello" to DIARY OF MY WHOLE LIFE...

-mmuuuaaaxxxxx-

happy new year 2011? arrgghhh!

new year 2011 is coming guys... i'm not in the mood for new year actually... cos i'm period... and i spent my time staying in my room for today... not the whole day actually... i'm going out and stay at the living room... and do some house work... laundry... i love laundry!

happy happy new year... busy wishing a happy new year to everyone... but me... arrrggghhh! i hate period~ can i wish to God i don't want to period anymore? i hate the feelings... moody... migrain... stomach ache... and so on... i wish that 2011 i'm not period again...

huh... wishing for the stupid things for 2011? WTF. sot kan... yeah well.... besa la... if period... anything i can say...

i shud be happy for new year... but... because of this stupid things... "i mean period"... not in the good mood... talking on the phone pun yang macam malas this...

ha ha ha ha ha ha.... buuuu for myself cos talking nonsense!

actually now on i just want to sleep.. but... because of something that i don't want to share it here... i need to stand my eyes until 10 minutes before new year... LOL...

hmm... sementara menunggu masa tu berlalu... blog pun i dont have any idea mau tulis apa lagi... so... im out and layan facebook game! to my own blog... "diary of my whole life"... i wish u a happy happy new year ah... just wanna say thank you to you cos you become a part of my life in 2010.. u become my punching bag the whole year....and also the coming years... pity on you... well... thats your job bha kan... ekekeke...

see you tomorrow blog! mmuuuaaxxxx~~~~~

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-LAST POST FOR 2010, TO BE CONTINUE IN 2011-

I'M HAPPY!

new year is coming soon... and yes... 1 more days.. means tomorrow! well, today i'm period... first day! not in the mood ooo... but, i need to force and control myself... so i don't ruin anything... :)

now is 11.00am... writing blog while layan movie indonesia with melody :) the title is I LOVE YOU! hehe... ada Galang... melody pun apa lagi... nda lari mata dia dari TV...

actually now im very sleepy... yang teramat... sudalah period... for sure want to sleep the whole day... apa lagi on the first day...

last night i sleep a bit late... if i'm not mistaken... at 3am... i got my own reason that i don't want to share here... :)

then my sister wake me up and ask me to sleep in her room with luke and melody... i'm not sure what time is it... yang penting langit pun belum biru... sangat lah mengantuk tahap dewa... and nasib baik la luke and melody sleep well... jadi aku pun tidur lah...

then... at 8am... luke pun bangun... melody pun bangun juga... so, i have no choice lah... kena ikut dorang bangun juga walaupun mengantuk yang teramat sangat... :)

next, i bring them to living room... langit pun masih mendung... belum ada matahari... then, ambil kesempatan lah when they watching TV... baring2 lah d sofa while texting with someone...

then, nda lama tu... baby luke meragam... nangis... rupanya... dia nda selesa... cos dia berak... then... aku cuci lah dia... and also tukar pampers melody juga cos sudah penuh... i have no time to smoke... :(

and then... aku buat susu for them... for melody and luke... then... mcm biasa lah... luke mau didukung kalau mau nenen... betebiat kan? memang pun... but today! for the first time! baby luke pegang sendiri botol nenen dia and isap... wow! miracle tau... before ni... mau bagi nenen dia... dia nda mau kalau nda kena dukung... tapi hari ni... dia pegang sendiri... sangat senang hati aku ni... tuhan saja lah yang tau aku gembira... :) then... sementara menunggu luke and melody siap nenen... aku pun ambil kesempatan lah untuk spent time with Mr.Dunhill... :)

hari ni semua bejalan dengan lancar sangat... habis isap rokok... habis juga lah baby luke isap nenen... then... masuk pigi living room... duduk sekejap di sofa... then... bagi mandi melody and luke... lepas urus diorang... aku pun masuk la dapur... masak nasi and masak sup telur... then after siap semua tu... duduk balik d living room...

mmmm... baby luke gosok2 mata... i know... dia mengantuk lepas mandi tadi... so... bawa la dia masuk bilik... mau bagi tidur... i ask melody stay d living room... dia nda mau... no choice la... bawa dia tidur juga... tapi dia nda tidur... then lepas baby luke tidur... bawa melody keluar... cos... almost 10.00am... its time for to eat...

and melody hari ni pun ntah datang penyakit apa... haha... make me so happy... ambil nasi untuk dia... campur sup telur... and i add some tomato sauce... for the first time juga... melody cepat saja telan nasi... selalunya mau 1 jam bagi makan dia... but today... its only take about 20minutes... hmmm... so happy!!!

i was wondering actually... whats the matter with this 2 child... melody and luke... :) sangat senang hati... :)

hmm... finish talking about them... well... new year is coming soon... and only left 6 days until i'm going back to Labuan... :) i hope everything is gonna be fine...

black color white color blue color :)

whats up with this black color? actually, its one of my favorite color. black. why black? i don't know. maybe because i have a lot of black shirt than other color.

some people will describe yang tiada2 kepada orang suka black color. got some people said black metal lah. devil lah. WTH?

well, everyone got their own favorite color bha kan.

actually i love black color because i love black lah. i'm not sure why. its just 1 of my fav color. :)

mmm. white rose? well, white color huh? its my favorite color also.

and yala. i love rose too. actually mau upload gambar mcm the black 1..

but, i think twice.. if white color.. nanti nda

nampak pla mana white tu..

so, i decided to upload white color yang ada object. so, white rose pilihan ku.

mmm. but now i don't want to talk about the rose. but i would like to talk about the color. WHITE~

yes, white is my favorite color. for me, white is such a beautiful color. look nice. look pretty. suci. murni. and so on. i do love white. and yes, selalunya..

saya akan pakai baju warna putih. and pakai seluar hitam. legging lahh. so, jadi la tai cicak. :)

anyway, white is my favorite. my sandal ada yang white color. my phone also white color. my leather case punya handphone pun white color. :)

hmm... by the way.. i'm not done yet.. not just black and white.. got another color yang menjadi pujaan hati siang dan malam. :p

blue color. i love blue so much. i love blue since i'm in form 1. in form 1. saya bagi gabung blue and black color. :) my file and etc..

and until now on. i love blue cos my busuk2 semua blue color!.

my selimut yang bebau blue color. my towel untuk tutup mata also blue color. :) haha. patung saya yang kici also blue. his name bungsu. :) my bantal busuk pun biru. all lah blue.

but, ada dua busuk2 yang tiri. haha. 1 is the small pillow that i bought from Kaison 1 borneo. (white color) and another 1 is my sister punya selendang. green color. last time when she moved to KL. she didnt bring the selendang. so, memandangkan tiada orang mau pakai sudah. saya ambil lah. jadi milik saya. :)

so, why i call both of them my busuk2 tiri. cos dorg dua sja yang lain color. not blue. so tiri lah. hehe.

~thats all i wanna say about my favorite color~

next year i'm 20? OMG!

cepat betul masa berlalu. right? tidur,bangun,mandi,makan,chitchat and tidur balik. good morning. good afternoon. good night. and so on lah. and now penghujung 2010.

just left 2 more days and i'm 20? arrrggghhh! bila sudah 20 next 21 next 22. sehingga lah 30+++.

ohh tidakkkkk. kenapa la cepat sangat masa berlalu ni ah?

apa2 pun. i wish when i'm 20 years old. everything okay saja. :)

mmm... 2011 finish my study in KCC. whats next? further my study? hell NO. benci sudah mau tengok buku!

yang aku mau tengok cuma duit dan duit. that's mean i'm gonna work harder lah. cari kerja tetap.

sebelum mencari kerja yang sesuai untuk aku dan tidak ada "masalah yang tidak ingini" aku akan kerja di mana2 sja la dulu. sekadar mencari pengalaman.

it was nice cos aku sudah banyak pengalaman bekerja. well, muda bha masih. tulah syok. :)

well, what do i wish when i'm 20? clubbing every weekend? ofcos NO!

just. wanna become the very quite girl.

smoking tetap smoking lah ah. :)

bersahaja~

hari ini,

si gadis bertemu dengan merpati,

merpati yang dia puja,

sangat indah mengenang suatu kenangan.

mutiara kecil kecil dan kecil,

mengalir deras deras dan deras,

si gadis bertanya pada dirinya,sampai kapan aku harus begini?

kupu-kupu putih,

datang melawat nya,

memujuk hati yang rawan,

dia enggan dipujuk,

dia masih mau melayan perasaan ini,

kupu-kupu berputus asa dan pulang.

tinggal lah si gadis bersendirian,

ditemani dengan mutiara yang mengalir deras,

betapa hancur hatinya,

setelah mengetahui kebenaran,

kebenaran yang dinanti.

si gadis mencuba untuk memberhentikan mutiara itu,

tapi dia tidak mampu melawan,

kuasa mutiara itu sangat kuat.

dan pada satu saat,

hati si gadis terbuka,

dia yakinkan dirinya,

untuk berhenti daripada membuang mutiara,

membuang mutiara hanya untuk harapan sia-sia.

si gadis merasa sayu,

terdiam sejenak,

si gadis cuba untuk lelapkan mata,

cuba untuk merehatkan tubuh,

tapi tidak berjaya.

akhirnya,

saat ini si gadis,

berjanji kepada dirinya,

untuk buang segala kenangan,

buang segalanya,

dan berjanji untuk teruskan hidup tanpa memuja si merpati.

sekian~

atlast rasa juga the fish massage. :) haha. this picture taken by me. masuk blog sekadar kenangan!!!

on last monday. me and my sister's family. her kids and husband. we went to jusco. and that day i get my salary from my sister for taking care of her kids when she's working. :) TQ.

so, afta jusco me and my sister try this fish massage. its very cheap. RM5 for 10minutes. nice huh?

yup yup. really nice ohh. sangat geli!!! my sister d sebelah sya juga do the same thing. dengan menahan geli. terpaksa la pukul2 my sister punya kaki. haha.

btw, i wanna say thank you to the fish cos suda makan my dead skin on my feet. :)

kepada sesiapa yang belum cuba this fish massage. you should try. dengan rasa geli di kaki tu. atleast you can laugh. release lah juga tension ckit. :)

up coming event~

yeah! just only left 2 more days to 2011~

i'm so excited. even i do have problem~

well well well. wish for new year?

i don't have wish yet.

yang pasti bukan wish last year "stop smoking"!

for now i don't know what i wish for. an iphone? just forget about it.

what do i hope is. all my enemies out there tolong jangan cari masalah lagi dengan saya lah ah.

that's all i wish. cos, boring sudah mau bermusuh!

plus, mau gaduh2 pun malas. cukup masa d sekolah menengah yang penuh dengan pergaduhan saja. my hand tired sudah mau menampar. cukup sudah. :)

mmm. today i'm so happy. my sisters baby (luke). berjaya sudah aku tawan hati dia. sounds silly huh?

before this, bila bagi dia botol susu dia nda mau. for sure nangis. mau suap nasi pun nda mau for sure nangis. but today! 28th december. for the first time! aku bagi dia nenen botol susu dia, dia mau. bagi dia makan nasi dia mau. TQ god. YOU really hear my prayer!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

just now i read someone blogs. its not important lahh mau bagitau siapa.

its about the little baby. the cats i mean. well, now me and my friend still thinking. wanna give the kitten or no! still confused. and GOD. please show me the right way for this situation. i really need your help.

kesilapan?

today is 26th december 2010.. sunday.. stay at home with my sister and niece and nephew.. only left 9 or 10 days i'm in KL.. i'm gonna miss melody and luke so much.. :(

so, whats up with the title then?

yeah.. kesilapan.. in this world.. no one yang lepas dari buat kesalahan kan.. walaupun dalam setahun.. seribu kali kesalahan yang dibuat.. sounds funny for me.. kenapa lah ah setiap orang inda pandai control diri daripada buat kesalahan..?

mau juga dibenci.. mau juga dimarah.. and so on..

nda lama lagi we will move on to 2011.. 2010 ni banyak yang berlaku.. segala kesilapan yang dibuat.. yang terjadi.. hanya tinggal kenangan saja lah kan.. tapi jangan silap.. the scars still do have.. mau dimaafkan ka tidak? kalau dimaafkan.. nanti berulang lagi.. bagus lagi buat2 nothing happen.. bukan aku yang mula.. dia yang mula..

u start all this drama.. and u have to control and stop it.. makan diri sendiri.. makan hati sendiri..

everything that you said about me in the message from facebook still in my mind even tho i delete all your message..

i just hope.. ko dengan umur ko yang makin meningkat.. jadi lah matang.. jangan jadi budak2..

well, berubah lah.. cari fashion sendiri.. jangan mau ikut orang.. aku pakai baju macam tu.. ko sendiri cakap ko jealous.. haha.. actually, bukan aku bah yang berpenyakit dengki sebenarnya kan? kau bah kan?..

hmm.. banyak kenangan manis kita lalui d kk tu.. macam2.. and semua hanya tinggal kenangan kerana kesilapan yang ko create..

i'm not sad.. i'm fine.. i'm happy.. cos, tiada apa2 hubungan dengan orang macam kau.. yang cuma tau rampas hak orang.. i'm not sure lah ko sedar ka tidak ka.. dari ko saja lah..

so, for this christmas.. i'm ready to forgive you.. biarpun ko nda tau aku sudah maafkan kau.. but i really do.. and.. walaupun aku sudah maafkan ko.. hubungan kita yang rapat dulu.. nda akan pernah ada lagi dalam 2011..

:)

l o v e ?

hmm.. my title love? for this christmas.. im not happy.. cos, i found something that sepatutnya i did not..

first, u say u hate her.. don't want to have any communication with her.. that ruin everything.. but when i do check in her profile.. i saw u comment with her..

u should support me.. right? u told me so.. that u hate her.. but now what? i don't want to ask anything about this again.. hmm.. tired sda.. dia pndai blakon.. u also same..

kunun lah kan hate her so much and bla bla bla and bla..

if u scared loosing her.. bha.. u choose her lah.. if u want with me.. please..

im begging.. i don't want you and her "saling membantu"..

don't you realize that she and other yang berkaitan with you..

mengulun ko macam apa.. and secara automatic aku pun terlibat..

but, i realize.. your santa rina.. never ask you or me to done all that stupid things..

bukan berniat untuk membenci.. but.. her attitude yang buat orang benci dia.. including me..

might be.. her other friend boleh lah bertahan sama dia.. mungkin kawan dia suka kena ulun dan gembira kerana selalu dibagi makan.. kena belanja lah and so on.. if me.. im not that kinda of person.. hidup sederhana.. better.. daripada kena suruh buat itu dan ini.. dan dibelanja makan.. apa? ingat orang ni apa? your maid? excuse me..

ko kaya.. and im not.. tapi jangan silap.. saya tidak sama dengan orang lain.. yang suka dibelanja dan diarah untul buat sesuatu..

you think who you are? :)

and for you mike.. if you still want with me.. i don't want you to have any relationship with her.. apa2 pun i don't want.. and once again i found something you comment2 or whatver it is.. there's no more chance for you ever.. and yes you will regret..

~sorry~

^ ^ why i always say sorry to you? because. i do respect you like my own aunt. but, you did wrong. maybe you didn't realize what have you done. am i right?

well, in this post. i don't want to list down all your fault. if you do read this post. i can just say that, i'm really sorry because i remove you from my friend list in Facebook.

why i did that? actually, i'm disappointed with you and your attitude. "we" try to respect you. but you say something wrong. i was thinking about you and someone. why you didn't friend with her now? i guess. because of your attitude.

tell you what. many people talking something bad about you. because i close with you. so, they share with me. unfortunately, there are my friends that talking about your attitude. now on, in my mind. they realize about your attitude. but, why i didn't realize? but now, i'm totally realize about who are you. well, when they judge about you. i mean my friend judge you. i try to make it clear and try to explain about your attitude, so that they wont think negative about you. i'm trying my best. but, i do regret now. and i mean it. i do regret why i need to backing you?

i'm happy to have matured friend like you. but, we are not longer become friend right?

i delete all message that you send to me in Facebook. i don't want to read about it again. just, u know how to feel "kecik hati". so, me too.

sorry to remove you in Facebook. i think, this is my the best decision for me. not close with you. stop knowing about you. AND forget about who are you.

sorry~

smoking :)

well...smoking huh? :) i know smoking is not good for health lah... nanti rosak lah the lungs... i know all the risk when im start smoking... i know i will addicted... im really sure of it... and yes... now im addicted with Mr.Dunhill... hell yeah... since i start smoke... i know i have change a little bit... my attitude... and so on... :p

But, if i stop now i will ruin everything... means... jadi malas... and not in the mood and what so ever lah... in 1 day... smoke 1 batang pun jadi lah... daripada tiada... i can be a crazy 1... like i say just now... not in mood... and malas...

and yup... smoking is part of my life... cos, if i study i will smoke... if im stress of something i will smoke... before i take my shower i will smoke... while i tengah "berak" pun i smoke... when i cry i smoke... when im happy i smoke... when i don't have anyone to share about my problem i smoke... when i feel like i want to marah2 i smoke... before i sleep i will smoke... woke up in the morning i will smoke... after i eat i smoke... and many more... see? all of this is part of what im doing in my life... right?

dan juga... i know... smoking is something like burn my own money... i know all of that... but... i told you so... smoking is part of my life... might be i will stop... but not now... what i can say is... one day i will try to stop... i know i can stop now... but... it ain't easy...susah mau stop when u already addicted... same like you addicted in something... like games and so on...

so, for those yang tidak smoking... don't ever try... even 1 kali tarik... for sure you want again next... bershisha sja lah... :)

hmm... i know... sya tidak layak pun mau bagi nasihat... :p but, i just wanna share something... thats what we call life... am i right? sharing is caring... :)

well, countdown for christmas... another 3 days...

CHRISTMAS!

yeah Christmas is coming soon... i'm happy to celebrate Christmas with my sister but i wish to celebrate with my mom and dad... but, what to do lah kan... never mind sekali sekala christmas in KL...

btw, everyone do have their wishlist for christmas... maybe some do have... and maybe some dont have... something like... want an iphone lah... want a big present lah... u know... everything is benda... but me, im not... cos, if i do have my wish for a things... it will never come true punya... :)

so, like usual lah... every year... my wish is... i really do hope my family full of happiness... yup... my mom... my dad... even tho, i do know their have their own problems that i can't help them... so, my wish is i hope both of them always and always have a good health... i don't want my mom or my father sick... like before, my mother sakit pasal chikunya... i'm crying on the phone while talking to her... i ask my mom pigi hospital... but, she don't want... but i know... my mom memang very strong... same like me... dalam 1 tahun tu... i kali sja sakit... bila sakit, memang sakit teruk... but, klu hari2 biasa... sakit biasa la juga... our antibody mmmg kuat... :)

well, im the youngest in my siblings... belum kerja lagi... i wish to buy something for my parents... but... yala, i'm not working yet... so, my present for them is in a prayer... love u both... :)

next, my present for my sisters sekalian... kenny thomas, callen thomas and kerry thomas... hehe... same thing... i don't have any present for u guys... i just can pray to god... that the three of you guys happy with ur life lah... happy with ur children and husband... :)

i know its not easy to take care of ur family... right?... well, as a wife... u need to be stronger then... like our mother... our mommy very strong to face up alot of problems... even, got some people don't like her pun... she didn't hate them... tapi... mummy pray pula for them... so, what i can say... just be stronger... strong wife... strong mother for ur children... and strong to face up any problems...

so, my present for my sisters is... also in a prayer... god bless :)

next, me? :) i dont even know what to say for this christmas... i just want to say that i love my family... and i hope my family full of happiness this 2010 christmas... :)

i have nothing!

hmm.. nothing much i want to say.. i just need to write something and about anything.. at least kurang sikit la apa yang mau d fikir.. :)

well, since kejadian yang tidak diingini berlaku.. i try to think positive.. and set in my mind.. just forget about her and just assume that i never know her.. about someone that simply judge me..

i don't care actually... never care... but u know right apa maksud sakit hati? for sure u know... also you pandai kecil hati.. so do i... :)

every moment that we spend it together is such a waste.. because.. yah.. u simply judge her words.. and u just simply judge me and u dont even know what im talking about.. hell ya.. im explain about something.. and u just suddenly judge me... ofcos la i will hate it... i'm not really sure actually why u dont understand...

just a waste to have friend like you.. only a words that only simple words... u just blame her.. haha... something like.. pok silap... agak2 lah... u want it right? then u deserve la hidup alone..

you ruin it~

you ruin my day today. i hate it so much. don't u read my blog? i don't want to remember about it! so please stop asking about him! why don't you understand huh?

my memories is not a big deal right? what happen with all the december just forget about it lah. my secret. so? belum puas hati lagi ka before this what happen? what the hell!

jangan cari masalah. sebelum ni sudah jadi masalah. nda kan mau jadi macam 'DIA' tu juga? mau buat hal? bagus aku tidur daripada perlu layan benda2 macam ni lagi. bikin sakit kepala saja!

christmas + december

december 2003? december 2005? december 2006? december 2007? december 2008? december 2009? what happen with all december? :) let it be secret. make me comfortable with my own secret that i never reveal until the right time. only december 2010 different.

i miss all this december. especially 2003. :)

sometimes i do hate december. sometimes i don't.

december 2003? sweet moment happen. i will never forget about it. im gonna remember until the end of time. until i die maybe. even no longer with it. never mind. im always fine. remember the day. make me cry. why i can't stop thinking about you? why i can't hate you? i don't have any answer for that. i think. i should forget everything about you. thinking of you is stupid thing. u will never come back to me. right?

out here. theres someone that always love me, care for me and waiting for me. i should appreciate it. even you are my first love. i've been waiting for u for many and many years. right now. i'm really sure that i should stop loving you. it's hard to forget about u. because its christmas 2003. i'm not sure what happen to u now. but i will always pray for u that u will happy with the girl that you have choose.

today, 16th december 2010. secara rasmi. i will stop loving u. i will stop thinking of you. and i will stop hoping that u will be mine. :) i'm happy to say all this. because from now on, i will love for someone that always love me. waiting for you just waste my time. it's better i start my new life with the one.

i'm gonna erase everything about you in my memory. even hard to erase.but, i think nothing is impossible.

:) merry christmas everyone!

just wanna be happy :)

writing this while listening nice song :)

yup. i just wanna be happy. i choose wanna be happy. lately, i'm not in good mood. i have no time to smile or laugh or anything lah.

now! everything have change. actually, this is what i want before this. but, bukan lah macam ni sangat. now, in kl. suppose to be happy because i can stay away from them and tenang2 kan diri di sini. 2010? haiya! malang.

bila aku di sini. lagi la teruk jadinya. lain sudah. semua mau blame. ada yang marah nda tentu pasal. and when im trying to explain. tiba2 kena cakap pula berpenyakit dengki. kena cakap talam 2 muka pula. apa salah aku sebenarnya? semua mau cakap aku yang bukan2.

honestly, aku memang nda mau lagi la macam ni. aku boleh hidup tanpa kamu. aku lebih gembira sebelum ni. aku gembira bersama dia sebelum mengenali kau yang cuma tau mau blame for a simple things.

ko pandai cakap orang kurang ajar. cuma kerana 1 ayat. tapi bila ko cakap sama aku. 'itu pun mau ambil hati'. tau pun ko ckp mcm tu kan? jadi kau kenapa la mau ambil hati.

ko marah dia pasal dia marah kucing tu. walaupun dia marag kucing tu. bukan bermakna ko boleh ambil kucing tu suka hati mu. masa kami ambil dia dulu. kami yang kena suruh jaga. tapi, bila kucing tu manja sama kau. ko ambil pula. yg lain tu nda manja, nda pula ko mau. why was that? aku nda kisah la sudah apa yang aku cakap ni buat ko terasa. blog aku. ko baca, ko terasa. suka hati ko lah. blog mu pun ada yg buat aku terasa.

ko tendang kucing tu. ko marah kucing tu bila kena kacau. ko cakap kucing tu gila, bodoh dan sebagainya. aku dengar, ko ingat aku nda sakit hati? walaupun kucing2 tu kacau aku. aku nda la marah. aku nda la maki. klu ko seorang penyayang kucing. ko nda akan buat macam tu lah. ko nda layak jaga kucing kalau keraja mu kalau kena kacau oleh kucing then mau marah.

aku rasa kalau kucing tu pndai bercakap. ko pun kena maki jua.

aku minta maaf klu buat siapa yg terasa. tapi aku nda tau mau buat apa lagi. biar la blog ni jadi tempat aku mengadu. aku nda kesah la ko cakap aku ni berpenyakit dengki dan talam 2 muka. ikut kan hati. rasanya ko yyg berpenyakit dengki. entah lah macam mana orang boleh tahan sama kau. sedih aku tengok perangai kau. jumpa kau pun aku nda ingin lagi!

hmm. gara2 kau. semuanya adi kacau. semua sudah berubah gara2 kau.

ko rosakkan segalanya! ko hancurkan semuanya!

ko cermin la dulu diri tu sebelum ko mau cakap org. sendiri yg berpenyakit dengki. tgk org pakai bju mcm tu. mau jua. tgk org rambut mcm tu mau jua. haha. cemburu. tapi cakap org.

ampun dan maaf kalau buat kau terasa. blog aku. ko masuk ko yang baca. sakit hati diam2 saja lah ah. :p

cabaran~

today i wake up so early. because my sister wake me up to accompany her child at her room. melody and luke. :) both of them still sleeping. arrgghh! right now im so sleepy. but i can't sleep. i need to take care of them.

well, this morning both of them melody and luke "berak". eeeyyeeww! nice smell huh. :p im al lil bit worried about something. about luke. he still afraid with me. bila aku bagi mandi dia pun still crying. buat susu bagi dia pun. nda smpai half of the bottle dia isap. pity him.

and im happy because right now. he "a lil bit not afraid" with me. thanx god :)

and now at 10.00am. melody need to eat. biar dia cepat gumuk. hehe. comel. :)

and you luke. sabar k?

will be continued~

now then i continue. im totally sad. :(

baru lepas bagi makan melody. time aku bgi mkn melody. luke dlm "kandang" dia. hee. :)

diam sja dia... kami main tutup mata lgi... tiba2 mata dia pndai juling.. so i assume he want to sleep. so, cepat2 la bagi makan c melody ni. mau 1 hour jg tau kasi makan c melody.

then, lepas bagi makan melody. aku ambil bubur utk luke. mau bagi makan dia. then bila aku angkat. emmm. smelly. dia berak rupanya. patutla diam2.

so, macam biasa la. cuci. then time aku buka pampers dia. aku urus la pampers tu. know what he do? dia kencing la pla. hahaha. mau marah pun nda guna. lucu adalah. hahaha. :))

then lepas urus dia bagi pakai pampers apa semua. aku mau bagi makan dia bubur. dia nda mau. 1 suap sja. lpas tu nangis. panas ka bubur tu? NO!

dia nangis dan nangis terus. so, assume la dia mau nenen. mau susu. so, aku buat la susu. hmm. same thing. tapi ini lagi teruk. isap pun nda. nda kurang pun susu tu. arrggghhh!

so, aku simpan dia d dalam "kandang" dia. dia nangis. then aku tolak2 la "kandang" dia tu. nda lama tu. dia diam. rupanya dia tidur sda. now dia dalam bilik. rupanya dia nda mau makan dia nda mau nenen rupanya dia mengantuk. mau tidur rupanya. kesian dia. makan nda mau. isap susu pun nda mau.

and now, its time to bring melody sleep. and me also sleepy. :(

to be continued yah!

tears never end~why?

bila aku masuk blog. mmg ada something yg aku mau luahkan. keadaan menjadi teruk bila aku mau betulkan keadaan. aku mau bantu. tapi aku terlibat sama.

this moment i only can let my tears fall down. i can't say anything more.

i try to explain. but she don't understand. im not sure why she don't understand. make me feel stress and whatver lah.

aku fikir aku nda kan bermusuh dengan siapa2 lagi lepas ni. tapi skrg musuh pun sudah bertambah. aku cuba bagi penjelasan yg amat terang tapi dia nda faham. dia just pihak dan terus memihak. aku cakap lain. ia ckp lain. aku yang jadi bingung. dulu aku bela diri aku tentang sesuatu. dan aku terus d benci. dan skrg bila aku cuba bela diri aku. sejarah berulang. d benci juga. aku nda kesah aku d benci oleh kau or kamu. pasal aku tau mana yang salah mana yang betul.

aku betul2 sedih. saat ni. aku nangis. pasal tiada tempat untuk aku mengadu. aku ingat pergaduhan2 ni semua sudah berakhir bila tamatnya sekolah menengah. tapi skrg apa? berulang lagi.

apa sebenarnya salah aku? aku cuma bela diri aku. aku cuma cakap benda yang betul. knp memihak dkt dia? aku cuma positifkan diri aku. mgkn dia kurang faham apa yg aku sampaikan. apa boleh buat lah. aku migrain!

wish never come true~

alright. this picture from facebook game. "it girl". now im in level 18. i love the game so much. know why? because, i assume the girl in the game was me. hahaha. perasan. hmmm. nda pa la bha perasan dlm game sja, jangan saja perasan d real life. nanti orang fikir gila la pula. haha.

so, why my title wish never come true. yupyup. i never had a dream come true. i wanna be like the girl in the game. i mean "it girl" game.

fun playing this game. :)

all the dress, blouse, jacket, heels, accessories and so on. so beautiful.

well, how i wanna be like that? any suggestion? :p

huh? guess who is this? ummm. yah. ni anak saya. my anak buah. hahaha. lol~

this is my nephew. his name is luke. my older sister pnya son. :)

still remember melody? her lil brother lah this. melody and luke. both of them i will take care when my sister working. :) being a baby sitter is not bad actually. can learn new things.

but now, nda la susah. because anty dorang yang jaga dorang b4 this. still here. but when she going back to kota kinabalu. there will be so much trouble.

kenapa trouble? because.....luke still afraid. afraid of what? arrrggghhh! takut saya lahhhh! im not sure why. maybe dia nda biasa sama saya. so, dia takut lah. pantang saja saya tengok dia. mesti dia nangis. *sigh*

mcm mana la mau jaga dia ni? macam mana mau buat dia tidak takut sama saya? any suggestion? kalau dia menangis. saya kesian juga tengok. mau juga saya dukung dia. tapi bila saya tengok saja dia. dia nangis. do i look like a ghost? luke luke luke. :(

what happen actually?

aarrrgghhh! masuk2 blog ja mesti ada yang mau diluahkan. today is 9th december 2010. this is my 3rd day in kl staying with my sister and her child also with her husband and also with her sister in law that until the 3rd day i dont even know her name. actually, i can be friendly like always. but this few days, i mean since i arrive in kl. i do have problem. im sick. coughing all the time. and rasanya i wanna cabut my tekak and kasi masuk dalam freezer. biar la my tekak sana kesejukan. betebiat kan mau sakit. my mom angry, and said that 'tulah kau terlampau merokok'. but mom! im cough not because im smoking but because i eat tooooo many sweet on 5th december 2010. see! yeah. i still remember lah. because my memory masih kuat. and now im not just sick of coughing but now and right now! saya migraine! tell u what huh. my migraine ni tidak pandai hilang since 7th december 2010. alrite. i already eat founstan (sorry if salah spell). yup. i already eat that medicine. but still not ok. i sleep well. but why im having migraine for 3 days berturut2? shit! i hate you migraine! i don't want you anymore in my life! sangat sedih dengan apa yang saya alami sekarang ni. dan juga sangat stress. hari ni i smoke 2 batang rokok sambil memikirkan whats wrong with my head! mau minta kena hantak kali di dinding! owh god. please help me. i really need your help right now. please heal me. saya tidak mau sakit lagi. sengsara. i don't like. this migraine kan buat saya no mood. mau becerita ka apa ka. i have no mood lah. and now. saya baru ja lepas mandi. ada orang cakap. kalau migraine. bagus mandi. hilang tu. but thats not true! haish. im so sad. i hate migraine. i do really hate you MIGRAINE!

this is melody. my niece. my first sister punya anak prempuan yg gumuk!!! hehe. hmm. saja ja mau tulis blog pasal baby girl ni. hehe. just now aku bagi mandi dia. paasal dia sda terberak d pampers. hahaha. nakal la c melody ni. dalam toilet pun nakal. main2 air. well, thats what we call "budak". hehehe. 1st challenge for today sudah beres. walaupun sakit terpaksa la kuatkan tenaga. sengsara betul sakit ni. kan. takut pla anak kecil ni terjangkit. im totally happy with melody. cuz, dia nda takut sama aku lagi. before this memang dia takut. tapi semalam time smpai kl sda. dia melekat ja sma aku. klu sebelum ni aku mau dukung pun susah. nangis trus. and now the problem is, adik c melody ni. luke!! dia lagi belum biasa sama aku. takut dia sama aku. macam mana la aku mau jaga dia kalau dia takut sama aku. *sigh*.

hehe, nyaway aku betul mau cepat sehat. sengsara sakit ni. batuk sja nda pndai habis2!! :(

sigh sigh sigh sigh!

today is 2nd december 2010. hmm. the power is now! i choose to be happy. not to choose to be sad or moody. or watever it is lah. im trying very hard to be the best for u. but this few days. u didnt give any cooperation wif me. im tired lah wanna be with u. can we just stop all of this. i cant stand anymore. dont u know tat? dont u realize about it? please. if u want this relationship go on. be matured.