THE FIRST POST FOR 2011!

this is my first post for 2011... "diary of my life" u will always become my punching bag... okay?

so... whats up with the picture... well... its my first picture that i captured using my phone... yala... wanna make something special for the first day in 2011... so... take picture la for 1/1/2011...

nothing so much to write actually for this post... just wanna say "hello" to DIARY OF MY WHOLE LIFE...

-mmuuuaaaxxxxx-

happy new year 2011? arrgghhh!

new year 2011 is coming guys... i'm not in the mood for new year actually... cos i'm period... and i spent my time staying in my room for today... not the whole day actually... i'm going out and stay at the living room... and do some house work... laundry... i love laundry!

happy happy new year... busy wishing a happy new year to everyone... but me... arrrggghhh! i hate period~ can i wish to God i don't want to period anymore? i hate the feelings... moody... migrain... stomach ache... and so on... i wish that 2011 i'm not period again...

huh... wishing for the stupid things for 2011? WTF. sot kan... yeah well.... besa la... if period... anything i can say...

i shud be happy for new year... but... because of this stupid things... "i mean period"... not in the good mood... talking on the phone pun yang macam malas this...

ha ha ha ha ha ha.... buuuu for myself cos talking nonsense!

actually now on i just want to sleep.. but... because of something that i don't want to share it here... i need to stand my eyes until 10 minutes before new year... LOL...

hmm... sementara menunggu masa tu berlalu... blog pun i dont have any idea mau tulis apa lagi... so... im out and layan facebook game! to my own blog... "diary of my whole life"... i wish u a happy happy new year ah... just wanna say thank you to you cos you become a part of my life in 2010.. u become my punching bag the whole year....and also the coming years... pity on you... well... thats your job bha kan... ekekeke...

see you tomorrow blog! mmuuuaaxxxx~~~~~

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-LAST POST FOR 2010, TO BE CONTINUE IN 2011-

I'M HAPPY!

new year is coming soon... and yes... 1 more days.. means tomorrow! well, today i'm period... first day! not in the mood ooo... but, i need to force and control myself... so i don't ruin anything... :)

now is 11.00am... writing blog while layan movie indonesia with melody :) the title is I LOVE YOU! hehe... ada Galang... melody pun apa lagi... nda lari mata dia dari TV...

actually now im very sleepy... yang teramat... sudalah period... for sure want to sleep the whole day... apa lagi on the first day...

last night i sleep a bit late... if i'm not mistaken... at 3am... i got my own reason that i don't want to share here... :)

then my sister wake me up and ask me to sleep in her room with luke and melody... i'm not sure what time is it... yang penting langit pun belum biru... sangat lah mengantuk tahap dewa... and nasib baik la luke and melody sleep well... jadi aku pun tidur lah...

then... at 8am... luke pun bangun... melody pun bangun juga... so, i have no choice lah... kena ikut dorang bangun juga walaupun mengantuk yang teramat sangat... :)

next, i bring them to living room... langit pun masih mendung... belum ada matahari... then, ambil kesempatan lah when they watching TV... baring2 lah d sofa while texting with someone...

then, nda lama tu... baby luke meragam... nangis... rupanya... dia nda selesa... cos dia berak... then... aku cuci lah dia... and also tukar pampers melody juga cos sudah penuh... i have no time to smoke... :(

and then... aku buat susu for them... for melody and luke... then... mcm biasa lah... luke mau didukung kalau mau nenen... betebiat kan? memang pun... but today! for the first time! baby luke pegang sendiri botol nenen dia and isap... wow! miracle tau... before ni... mau bagi nenen dia... dia nda mau kalau nda kena dukung... tapi hari ni... dia pegang sendiri... sangat senang hati aku ni... tuhan saja lah yang tau aku gembira... :) then... sementara menunggu luke and melody siap nenen... aku pun ambil kesempatan lah untuk spent time with Mr.Dunhill... :)

hari ni semua bejalan dengan lancar sangat... habis isap rokok... habis juga lah baby luke isap nenen... then... masuk pigi living room... duduk sekejap di sofa... then... bagi mandi melody and luke... lepas urus diorang... aku pun masuk la dapur... masak nasi and masak sup telur... then after siap semua tu... duduk balik d living room...

mmmm... baby luke gosok2 mata... i know... dia mengantuk lepas mandi tadi... so... bawa la dia masuk bilik... mau bagi tidur... i ask melody stay d living room... dia nda mau... no choice la... bawa dia tidur juga... tapi dia nda tidur... then lepas baby luke tidur... bawa melody keluar... cos... almost 10.00am... its time for to eat...

and melody hari ni pun ntah datang penyakit apa... haha... make me so happy... ambil nasi untuk dia... campur sup telur... and i add some tomato sauce... for the first time juga... melody cepat saja telan nasi... selalunya mau 1 jam bagi makan dia... but today... its only take about 20minutes... hmmm... so happy!!!

i was wondering actually... whats the matter with this 2 child... melody and luke... :) sangat senang hati... :)

hmm... finish talking about them... well... new year is coming soon... and only left 6 days until i'm going back to Labuan... :) i hope everything is gonna be fine...

black color white color blue color :)

whats up with this black color? actually, its one of my favorite color. black. why black? i don't know. maybe because i have a lot of black shirt than other color.

some people will describe yang tiada2 kepada orang suka black color. got some people said black metal lah. devil lah. WTH?

well, everyone got their own favorite color bha kan.

actually i love black color because i love black lah. i'm not sure why. its just 1 of my fav color. :)

mmm. white rose? well, white color huh? its my favorite color also.

and yala. i love rose too. actually mau upload gambar mcm the black 1..

but, i think twice.. if white color.. nanti nda

nampak pla mana white tu..

so, i decided to upload white color yang ada object. so, white rose pilihan ku.

mmm. but now i don't want to talk about the rose. but i would like to talk about the color. WHITE~

yes, white is my favorite color. for me, white is such a beautiful color. look nice. look pretty. suci. murni. and so on. i do love white. and yes, selalunya..

saya akan pakai baju warna putih. and pakai seluar hitam. legging lahh. so, jadi la tai cicak. :)

anyway, white is my favorite. my sandal ada yang white color. my phone also white color. my leather case punya handphone pun white color. :)

hmm... by the way.. i'm not done yet.. not just black and white.. got another color yang menjadi pujaan hati siang dan malam. :p

blue color. i love blue so much. i love blue since i'm in form 1. in form 1. saya bagi gabung blue and black color. :) my file and etc..

and until now on. i love blue cos my busuk2 semua blue color!.

my selimut yang bebau blue color. my towel untuk tutup mata also blue color. :) haha. patung saya yang kici also blue. his name bungsu. :) my bantal busuk pun biru. all lah blue.

but, ada dua busuk2 yang tiri. haha. 1 is the small pillow that i bought from Kaison 1 borneo. (white color) and another 1 is my sister punya selendang. green color. last time when she moved to KL. she didnt bring the selendang. so, memandangkan tiada orang mau pakai sudah. saya ambil lah. jadi milik saya. :)

so, why i call both of them my busuk2 tiri. cos dorg dua sja yang lain color. not blue. so tiri lah. hehe.

~thats all i wanna say about my favorite color~

next year i'm 20? OMG!

cepat betul masa berlalu. right? tidur,bangun,mandi,makan,chitchat and tidur balik. good morning. good afternoon. good night. and so on lah. and now penghujung 2010.

just left 2 more days and i'm 20? arrrggghhh! bila sudah 20 next 21 next 22. sehingga lah 30+++.

ohh tidakkkkk. kenapa la cepat sangat masa berlalu ni ah?

apa2 pun. i wish when i'm 20 years old. everything okay saja. :)

mmm... 2011 finish my study in KCC. whats next? further my study? hell NO. benci sudah mau tengok buku!

yang aku mau tengok cuma duit dan duit. that's mean i'm gonna work harder lah. cari kerja tetap.

sebelum mencari kerja yang sesuai untuk aku dan tidak ada "masalah yang tidak ingini" aku akan kerja di mana2 sja la dulu. sekadar mencari pengalaman.

it was nice cos aku sudah banyak pengalaman bekerja. well, muda bha masih. tulah syok. :)

well, what do i wish when i'm 20? clubbing every weekend? ofcos NO!

just. wanna become the very quite girl.

smoking tetap smoking lah ah. :)

bersahaja~

hari ini,

si gadis bertemu dengan merpati,

merpati yang dia puja,

sangat indah mengenang suatu kenangan.

mutiara kecil kecil dan kecil,

mengalir deras deras dan deras,

si gadis bertanya pada dirinya,sampai kapan aku harus begini?

kupu-kupu putih,

datang melawat nya,

memujuk hati yang rawan,

dia enggan dipujuk,

dia masih mau melayan perasaan ini,

kupu-kupu berputus asa dan pulang.

tinggal lah si gadis bersendirian,

ditemani dengan mutiara yang mengalir deras,

betapa hancur hatinya,

setelah mengetahui kebenaran,

kebenaran yang dinanti.

si gadis mencuba untuk memberhentikan mutiara itu,

tapi dia tidak mampu melawan,

kuasa mutiara itu sangat kuat.

dan pada satu saat,

hati si gadis terbuka,

dia yakinkan dirinya,

untuk berhenti daripada membuang mutiara,

membuang mutiara hanya untuk harapan sia-sia.

si gadis merasa sayu,

terdiam sejenak,

si gadis cuba untuk lelapkan mata,

cuba untuk merehatkan tubuh,

tapi tidak berjaya.

akhirnya,

saat ini si gadis,

berjanji kepada dirinya,

untuk buang segala kenangan,

buang segalanya,

dan berjanji untuk teruskan hidup tanpa memuja si merpati.

sekian~

atlast rasa juga the fish massage. :) haha. this picture taken by me. masuk blog sekadar kenangan!!!

on last monday. me and my sister's family. her kids and husband. we went to jusco. and that day i get my salary from my sister for taking care of her kids when she's working. :) TQ.

so, afta jusco me and my sister try this fish massage. its very cheap. RM5 for 10minutes. nice huh?

yup yup. really nice ohh. sangat geli!!! my sister d sebelah sya juga do the same thing. dengan menahan geli. terpaksa la pukul2 my sister punya kaki. haha.

btw, i wanna say thank you to the fish cos suda makan my dead skin on my feet. :)

kepada sesiapa yang belum cuba this fish massage. you should try. dengan rasa geli di kaki tu. atleast you can laugh. release lah juga tension ckit. :)

up coming event~

yeah! just only left 2 more days to 2011~

i'm so excited. even i do have problem~

well well well. wish for new year?

i don't have wish yet.

yang pasti bukan wish last year "stop smoking"!

for now i don't know what i wish for. an iphone? just forget about it.

what do i hope is. all my enemies out there tolong jangan cari masalah lagi dengan saya lah ah.

that's all i wish. cos, boring sudah mau bermusuh!

plus, mau gaduh2 pun malas. cukup masa d sekolah menengah yang penuh dengan pergaduhan saja. my hand tired sudah mau menampar. cukup sudah. :)

mmm. today i'm so happy. my sisters baby (luke). berjaya sudah aku tawan hati dia. sounds silly huh?

before this, bila bagi dia botol susu dia nda mau. for sure nangis. mau suap nasi pun nda mau for sure nangis. but today! 28th december. for the first time! aku bagi dia nenen botol susu dia, dia mau. bagi dia makan nasi dia mau. TQ god. YOU really hear my prayer!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

just now i read someone blogs. its not important lahh mau bagitau siapa.

its about the little baby. the cats i mean. well, now me and my friend still thinking. wanna give the kitten or no! still confused. and GOD. please show me the right way for this situation. i really need your help.

kesilapan?

today is 26th december 2010.. sunday.. stay at home with my sister and niece and nephew.. only left 9 or 10 days i'm in KL.. i'm gonna miss melody and luke so much.. :(

so, whats up with the title then?

yeah.. kesilapan.. in this world.. no one yang lepas dari buat kesalahan kan.. walaupun dalam setahun.. seribu kali kesalahan yang dibuat.. sounds funny for me.. kenapa lah ah setiap orang inda pandai control diri daripada buat kesalahan..?

mau juga dibenci.. mau juga dimarah.. and so on..

nda lama lagi we will move on to 2011.. 2010 ni banyak yang berlaku.. segala kesilapan yang dibuat.. yang terjadi.. hanya tinggal kenangan saja lah kan.. tapi jangan silap.. the scars still do have.. mau dimaafkan ka tidak? kalau dimaafkan.. nanti berulang lagi.. bagus lagi buat2 nothing happen.. bukan aku yang mula.. dia yang mula..

u start all this drama.. and u have to control and stop it.. makan diri sendiri.. makan hati sendiri..

everything that you said about me in the message from facebook still in my mind even tho i delete all your message..

i just hope.. ko dengan umur ko yang makin meningkat.. jadi lah matang.. jangan jadi budak2..

well, berubah lah.. cari fashion sendiri.. jangan mau ikut orang.. aku pakai baju macam tu.. ko sendiri cakap ko jealous.. haha.. actually, bukan aku bah yang berpenyakit dengki sebenarnya kan? kau bah kan?..

hmm.. banyak kenangan manis kita lalui d kk tu.. macam2.. and semua hanya tinggal kenangan kerana kesilapan yang ko create..

i'm not sad.. i'm fine.. i'm happy.. cos, tiada apa2 hubungan dengan orang macam kau.. yang cuma tau rampas hak orang.. i'm not sure lah ko sedar ka tidak ka.. dari ko saja lah..

so, for this christmas.. i'm ready to forgive you.. biarpun ko nda tau aku sudah maafkan kau.. but i really do.. and.. walaupun aku sudah maafkan ko.. hubungan kita yang rapat dulu.. nda akan pernah ada lagi dalam 2011..

:)

l o v e ?

hmm.. my title love? for this christmas.. im not happy.. cos, i found something that sepatutnya i did not..

first, u say u hate her.. don't want to have any communication with her.. that ruin everything.. but when i do check in her profile.. i saw u comment with her..

u should support me.. right? u told me so.. that u hate her.. but now what? i don't want to ask anything about this again.. hmm.. tired sda.. dia pndai blakon.. u also same..

kunun lah kan hate her so much and bla bla bla and bla..

if u scared loosing her.. bha.. u choose her lah.. if u want with me.. please..

im begging.. i don't want you and her "saling membantu"..

don't you realize that she and other yang berkaitan with you..

mengulun ko macam apa.. and secara automatic aku pun terlibat..

but, i realize.. your santa rina.. never ask you or me to done all that stupid things..

bukan berniat untuk membenci.. but.. her attitude yang buat orang benci dia.. including me..

might be.. her other friend boleh lah bertahan sama dia.. mungkin kawan dia suka kena ulun dan gembira kerana selalu dibagi makan.. kena belanja lah and so on.. if me.. im not that kinda of person.. hidup sederhana.. better.. daripada kena suruh buat itu dan ini.. dan dibelanja makan.. apa? ingat orang ni apa? your maid? excuse me..

ko kaya.. and im not.. tapi jangan silap.. saya tidak sama dengan orang lain.. yang suka dibelanja dan diarah untul buat sesuatu..

you think who you are? :)

and for you mike.. if you still want with me.. i don't want you to have any relationship with her.. apa2 pun i don't want.. and once again i found something you comment2 or whatver it is.. there's no more chance for you ever.. and yes you will regret..

~sorry~

^ ^ why i always say sorry to you? because. i do respect you like my own aunt. but, you did wrong. maybe you didn't realize what have you done. am i right?

well, in this post. i don't want to list down all your fault. if you do read this post. i can just say that, i'm really sorry because i remove you from my friend list in Facebook.

why i did that? actually, i'm disappointed with you and your attitude. "we" try to respect you. but you say something wrong. i was thinking about you and someone. why you didn't friend with her now? i guess. because of your attitude.

tell you what. many people talking something bad about you. because i close with you. so, they share with me. unfortunately, there are my friends that talking about your attitude. now on, in my mind. they realize about your attitude. but, why i didn't realize? but now, i'm totally realize about who are you. well, when they judge about you. i mean my friend judge you. i try to make it clear and try to explain about your attitude, so that they wont think negative about you. i'm trying my best. but, i do regret now. and i mean it. i do regret why i need to backing you?

i'm happy to have matured friend like you. but, we are not longer become friend right?

i delete all message that you send to me in Facebook. i don't want to read about it again. just, u know how to feel "kecik hati". so, me too.

sorry to remove you in Facebook. i think, this is my the best decision for me. not close with you. stop knowing about you. AND forget about who are you.

sorry~

smoking :)

well...smoking huh? :) i know smoking is not good for health lah... nanti rosak lah the lungs... i know all the risk when im start smoking... i know i will addicted... im really sure of it... and yes... now im addicted with Mr.Dunhill... hell yeah... since i start smoke... i know i have change a little bit... my attitude... and so on... :p

But, if i stop now i will ruin everything... means... jadi malas... and not in the mood and what so ever lah... in 1 day... smoke 1 batang pun jadi lah... daripada tiada... i can be a crazy 1... like i say just now... not in mood... and malas...

and yup... smoking is part of my life... cos, if i study i will smoke... if im stress of something i will smoke... before i take my shower i will smoke... while i tengah "berak" pun i smoke... when i cry i smoke... when im happy i smoke... when i don't have anyone to share about my problem i smoke... when i feel like i want to marah2 i smoke... before i sleep i will smoke... woke up in the morning i will smoke... after i eat i smoke... and many more... see? all of this is part of what im doing in my life... right?

dan juga... i know... smoking is something like burn my own money... i know all of that... but... i told you so... smoking is part of my life... might be i will stop... but not now... what i can say is... one day i will try to stop... i know i can stop now... but... it ain't easy...susah mau stop when u already addicted... same like you addicted in something... like games and so on...

so, for those yang tidak smoking... don't ever try... even 1 kali tarik... for sure you want again next... bershisha sja lah... :)

hmm... i know... sya tidak layak pun mau bagi nasihat... :p but, i just wanna share something... thats what we call life... am i right? sharing is caring... :)

well, countdown for christmas... another 3 days...

CHRISTMAS!

yeah Christmas is coming soon... i'm happy to celebrate Christmas with my sister but i wish to celebrate with my mom and dad... but, what to do lah kan... never mind sekali sekala christmas in KL...

btw, everyone do have their wishlist for christmas... maybe some do have... and maybe some dont have... something like... want an iphone lah... want a big present lah... u know... everything is benda... but me, im not... cos, if i do have my wish for a things... it will never come true punya... :)

so, like usual lah... every year... my wish is... i really do hope my family full of happiness... yup... my mom... my dad... even tho, i do know their have their own problems that i can't help them... so, my wish is i hope both of them always and always have a good health... i don't want my mom or my father sick... like before, my mother sakit pasal chikunya... i'm crying on the phone while talking to her... i ask my mom pigi hospital... but, she don't want... but i know... my mom memang very strong... same like me... dalam 1 tahun tu... i kali sja sakit... bila sakit, memang sakit teruk... but, klu hari2 biasa... sakit biasa la juga... our antibody mmmg kuat... :)

well, im the youngest in my siblings... belum kerja lagi... i wish to buy something for my parents... but... yala, i'm not working yet... so, my present for them is in a prayer... love u both... :)

next, my present for my sisters sekalian... kenny thomas, callen thomas and kerry thomas... hehe... same thing... i don't have any present for u guys... i just can pray to god... that the three of you guys happy with ur life lah... happy with ur children and husband... :)

i know its not easy to take care of ur family... right?... well, as a wife... u need to be stronger then... like our mother... our mommy very strong to face up alot of problems... even, got some people don't like her pun... she didn't hate them... tapi... mummy pray pula for them... so, what i can say... just be stronger... strong wife... strong mother for ur children... and strong to face up any problems...

so, my present for my sisters is... also in a prayer... god bless :)

next, me? :) i dont even know what to say for this christmas... i just want to say that i love my family... and i hope my family full of happiness this 2010 christmas... :)

i have nothing!

hmm.. nothing much i want to say.. i just need to write something and about anything.. at least kurang sikit la apa yang mau d fikir.. :)

well, since kejadian yang tidak diingini berlaku.. i try to think positive.. and set in my mind.. just forget about her and just assume that i never know her.. about someone that simply judge me..

i don't care actually... never care... but u know right apa maksud sakit hati? for sure u know... also you pandai kecil hati.. so do i... :)

every moment that we spend it together is such a waste.. because.. yah.. u simply judge her words.. and u just simply judge me and u dont even know what im talking about.. hell ya.. im explain about something.. and u just suddenly judge me... ofcos la i will hate it... i'm not really sure actually why u dont understand...

just a waste to have friend like you.. only a words that only simple words... u just blame her.. haha... something like.. pok silap... agak2 lah... u want it right? then u deserve la hidup alone..

you ruin it~

you ruin my day today. i hate it so much. don't u read my blog? i don't want to remember about it! so please stop asking about him! why don't you understand huh?

my memories is not a big deal right? what happen with all the december just forget about it lah. my secret. so? belum puas hati lagi ka before this what happen? what the hell!

jangan cari masalah. sebelum ni sudah jadi masalah. nda kan mau jadi macam 'DIA' tu juga? mau buat hal? bagus aku tidur daripada perlu layan benda2 macam ni lagi. bikin sakit kepala saja!

christmas + december

december 2003? december 2005? december 2006? december 2007? december 2008? december 2009? what happen with all december? :) let it be secret. make me comfortable with my own secret that i never reveal until the right time. only december 2010 different.

i miss all this december. especially 2003. :)

sometimes i do hate december. sometimes i don't.

december 2003? sweet moment happen. i will never forget about it. im gonna remember until the end of time. until i die maybe. even no longer with it. never mind. im always fine. remember the day. make me cry. why i can't stop thinking about you? why i can't hate you? i don't have any answer for that. i think. i should forget everything about you. thinking of you is stupid thing. u will never come back to me. right?

out here. theres someone that always love me, care for me and waiting for me. i should appreciate it. even you are my first love. i've been waiting for u for many and many years. right now. i'm really sure that i should stop loving you. it's hard to forget about u. because its christmas 2003. i'm not sure what happen to u now. but i will always pray for u that u will happy with the girl that you have choose.

today, 16th december 2010. secara rasmi. i will stop loving u. i will stop thinking of you. and i will stop hoping that u will be mine. :) i'm happy to say all this. because from now on, i will love for someone that always love me. waiting for you just waste my time. it's better i start my new life with the one.

i'm gonna erase everything about you in my memory. even hard to erase.but, i think nothing is impossible.

:) merry christmas everyone!

just wanna be happy :)

writing this while listening nice song :)

yup. i just wanna be happy. i choose wanna be happy. lately, i'm not in good mood. i have no time to smile or laugh or anything lah.

now! everything have change. actually, this is what i want before this. but, bukan lah macam ni sangat. now, in kl. suppose to be happy because i can stay away from them and tenang2 kan diri di sini. 2010? haiya! malang.

bila aku di sini. lagi la teruk jadinya. lain sudah. semua mau blame. ada yang marah nda tentu pasal. and when im trying to explain. tiba2 kena cakap pula berpenyakit dengki. kena cakap talam 2 muka pula. apa salah aku sebenarnya? semua mau cakap aku yang bukan2.

honestly, aku memang nda mau lagi la macam ni. aku boleh hidup tanpa kamu. aku lebih gembira sebelum ni. aku gembira bersama dia sebelum mengenali kau yang cuma tau mau blame for a simple things.

ko pandai cakap orang kurang ajar. cuma kerana 1 ayat. tapi bila ko cakap sama aku. 'itu pun mau ambil hati'. tau pun ko ckp mcm tu kan? jadi kau kenapa la mau ambil hati.

ko marah dia pasal dia marah kucing tu. walaupun dia marag kucing tu. bukan bermakna ko boleh ambil kucing tu suka hati mu. masa kami ambil dia dulu. kami yang kena suruh jaga. tapi, bila kucing tu manja sama kau. ko ambil pula. yg lain tu nda manja, nda pula ko mau. why was that? aku nda kisah la sudah apa yang aku cakap ni buat ko terasa. blog aku. ko baca, ko terasa. suka hati ko lah. blog mu pun ada yg buat aku terasa.

ko tendang kucing tu. ko marah kucing tu bila kena kacau. ko cakap kucing tu gila, bodoh dan sebagainya. aku dengar, ko ingat aku nda sakit hati? walaupun kucing2 tu kacau aku. aku nda la marah. aku nda la maki. klu ko seorang penyayang kucing. ko nda akan buat macam tu lah. ko nda layak jaga kucing kalau keraja mu kalau kena kacau oleh kucing then mau marah.

aku rasa kalau kucing tu pndai bercakap. ko pun kena maki jua.

aku minta maaf klu buat siapa yg terasa. tapi aku nda tau mau buat apa lagi. biar la blog ni jadi tempat aku mengadu. aku nda kesah la ko cakap aku ni berpenyakit dengki dan talam 2 muka. ikut kan hati. rasanya ko yyg berpenyakit dengki. entah lah macam mana orang boleh tahan sama kau. sedih aku tengok perangai kau. jumpa kau pun aku nda ingin lagi!

hmm. gara2 kau. semuanya adi kacau. semua sudah berubah gara2 kau.

ko rosakkan segalanya! ko hancurkan semuanya!

ko cermin la dulu diri tu sebelum ko mau cakap org. sendiri yg berpenyakit dengki. tgk org pakai bju mcm tu. mau jua. tgk org rambut mcm tu mau jua. haha. cemburu. tapi cakap org.

ampun dan maaf kalau buat kau terasa. blog aku. ko masuk ko yang baca. sakit hati diam2 saja lah ah. :p

cabaran~

today i wake up so early. because my sister wake me up to accompany her child at her room. melody and luke. :) both of them still sleeping. arrgghh! right now im so sleepy. but i can't sleep. i need to take care of them.

well, this morning both of them melody and luke "berak". eeeyyeeww! nice smell huh. :p im al lil bit worried about something. about luke. he still afraid with me. bila aku bagi mandi dia pun still crying. buat susu bagi dia pun. nda smpai half of the bottle dia isap. pity him.

and im happy because right now. he "a lil bit not afraid" with me. thanx god :)

and now at 10.00am. melody need to eat. biar dia cepat gumuk. hehe. comel. :)

and you luke. sabar k?

will be continued~

now then i continue. im totally sad. :(

baru lepas bagi makan melody. time aku bgi mkn melody. luke dlm "kandang" dia. hee. :)

diam sja dia... kami main tutup mata lgi... tiba2 mata dia pndai juling.. so i assume he want to sleep. so, cepat2 la bagi makan c melody ni. mau 1 hour jg tau kasi makan c melody.

then, lepas bagi makan melody. aku ambil bubur utk luke. mau bagi makan dia. then bila aku angkat. emmm. smelly. dia berak rupanya. patutla diam2.

so, macam biasa la. cuci. then time aku buka pampers dia. aku urus la pampers tu. know what he do? dia kencing la pla. hahaha. mau marah pun nda guna. lucu adalah. hahaha. :))

then lepas urus dia bagi pakai pampers apa semua. aku mau bagi makan dia bubur. dia nda mau. 1 suap sja. lpas tu nangis. panas ka bubur tu? NO!

dia nangis dan nangis terus. so, assume la dia mau nenen. mau susu. so, aku buat la susu. hmm. same thing. tapi ini lagi teruk. isap pun nda. nda kurang pun susu tu. arrggghhh!

so, aku simpan dia d dalam "kandang" dia. dia nangis. then aku tolak2 la "kandang" dia tu. nda lama tu. dia diam. rupanya dia tidur sda. now dia dalam bilik. rupanya dia nda mau makan dia nda mau nenen rupanya dia mengantuk. mau tidur rupanya. kesian dia. makan nda mau. isap susu pun nda mau.

and now, its time to bring melody sleep. and me also sleepy. :(

to be continued yah!

tears never end~why?

bila aku masuk blog. mmg ada something yg aku mau luahkan. keadaan menjadi teruk bila aku mau betulkan keadaan. aku mau bantu. tapi aku terlibat sama.

this moment i only can let my tears fall down. i can't say anything more.

i try to explain. but she don't understand. im not sure why she don't understand. make me feel stress and whatver lah.

aku fikir aku nda kan bermusuh dengan siapa2 lagi lepas ni. tapi skrg musuh pun sudah bertambah. aku cuba bagi penjelasan yg amat terang tapi dia nda faham. dia just pihak dan terus memihak. aku cakap lain. ia ckp lain. aku yang jadi bingung. dulu aku bela diri aku tentang sesuatu. dan aku terus d benci. dan skrg bila aku cuba bela diri aku. sejarah berulang. d benci juga. aku nda kesah aku d benci oleh kau or kamu. pasal aku tau mana yang salah mana yang betul.

aku betul2 sedih. saat ni. aku nangis. pasal tiada tempat untuk aku mengadu. aku ingat pergaduhan2 ni semua sudah berakhir bila tamatnya sekolah menengah. tapi skrg apa? berulang lagi.

apa sebenarnya salah aku? aku cuma bela diri aku. aku cuma cakap benda yang betul. knp memihak dkt dia? aku cuma positifkan diri aku. mgkn dia kurang faham apa yg aku sampaikan. apa boleh buat lah. aku migrain!

wish never come true~

alright. this picture from facebook game. "it girl". now im in level 18. i love the game so much. know why? because, i assume the girl in the game was me. hahaha. perasan. hmmm. nda pa la bha perasan dlm game sja, jangan saja perasan d real life. nanti orang fikir gila la pula. haha.

so, why my title wish never come true. yupyup. i never had a dream come true. i wanna be like the girl in the game. i mean "it girl" game.

fun playing this game. :)

all the dress, blouse, jacket, heels, accessories and so on. so beautiful.

well, how i wanna be like that? any suggestion? :p

huh? guess who is this? ummm. yah. ni anak saya. my anak buah. hahaha. lol~

this is my nephew. his name is luke. my older sister pnya son. :)

still remember melody? her lil brother lah this. melody and luke. both of them i will take care when my sister working. :) being a baby sitter is not bad actually. can learn new things.

but now, nda la susah. because anty dorang yang jaga dorang b4 this. still here. but when she going back to kota kinabalu. there will be so much trouble.

kenapa trouble? because.....luke still afraid. afraid of what? arrrggghhh! takut saya lahhhh! im not sure why. maybe dia nda biasa sama saya. so, dia takut lah. pantang saja saya tengok dia. mesti dia nangis. *sigh*

mcm mana la mau jaga dia ni? macam mana mau buat dia tidak takut sama saya? any suggestion? kalau dia menangis. saya kesian juga tengok. mau juga saya dukung dia. tapi bila saya tengok saja dia. dia nangis. do i look like a ghost? luke luke luke. :(

what happen actually?

aarrrgghhh! masuk2 blog ja mesti ada yang mau diluahkan. today is 9th december 2010. this is my 3rd day in kl staying with my sister and her child also with her husband and also with her sister in law that until the 3rd day i dont even know her name. actually, i can be friendly like always. but this few days, i mean since i arrive in kl. i do have problem. im sick. coughing all the time. and rasanya i wanna cabut my tekak and kasi masuk dalam freezer. biar la my tekak sana kesejukan. betebiat kan mau sakit. my mom angry, and said that 'tulah kau terlampau merokok'. but mom! im cough not because im smoking but because i eat tooooo many sweet on 5th december 2010. see! yeah. i still remember lah. because my memory masih kuat. and now im not just sick of coughing but now and right now! saya migraine! tell u what huh. my migraine ni tidak pandai hilang since 7th december 2010. alrite. i already eat founstan (sorry if salah spell). yup. i already eat that medicine. but still not ok. i sleep well. but why im having migraine for 3 days berturut2? shit! i hate you migraine! i don't want you anymore in my life! sangat sedih dengan apa yang saya alami sekarang ni. dan juga sangat stress. hari ni i smoke 2 batang rokok sambil memikirkan whats wrong with my head! mau minta kena hantak kali di dinding! owh god. please help me. i really need your help right now. please heal me. saya tidak mau sakit lagi. sengsara. i don't like. this migraine kan buat saya no mood. mau becerita ka apa ka. i have no mood lah. and now. saya baru ja lepas mandi. ada orang cakap. kalau migraine. bagus mandi. hilang tu. but thats not true! haish. im so sad. i hate migraine. i do really hate you MIGRAINE!

this is melody. my niece. my first sister punya anak prempuan yg gumuk!!! hehe. hmm. saja ja mau tulis blog pasal baby girl ni. hehe. just now aku bagi mandi dia. paasal dia sda terberak d pampers. hahaha. nakal la c melody ni. dalam toilet pun nakal. main2 air. well, thats what we call "budak". hehehe. 1st challenge for today sudah beres. walaupun sakit terpaksa la kuatkan tenaga. sengsara betul sakit ni. kan. takut pla anak kecil ni terjangkit. im totally happy with melody. cuz, dia nda takut sama aku lagi. before this memang dia takut. tapi semalam time smpai kl sda. dia melekat ja sma aku. klu sebelum ni aku mau dukung pun susah. nangis trus. and now the problem is, adik c melody ni. luke!! dia lagi belum biasa sama aku. takut dia sama aku. macam mana la aku mau jaga dia kalau dia takut sama aku. *sigh*.

hehe, nyaway aku betul mau cepat sehat. sengsara sakit ni. batuk sja nda pndai habis2!! :(

sigh sigh sigh sigh!

today is 2nd december 2010. hmm. the power is now! i choose to be happy. not to choose to be sad or moody. or watever it is lah. im trying very hard to be the best for u. but this few days. u didnt give any cooperation wif me. im tired lah wanna be with u. can we just stop all of this. i cant stand anymore. dont u know tat? dont u realize about it? please. if u want this relationship go on. be matured.

stress!!!

today is monday!! hari malas sedunia!! tapi aku nda lah dapat malas cos hari ni ada exam. lepas exam turun office kerana ada kerja yang harus dan harus disiapkan sebelum 5hb december 2010 aku p labuan then pigi kl on the 7th december. TETAPI!!! disana lah jua aku mau siapkan keraja. sana jua la masalah datang. computer office datang penyakit. laptop hp aku lagi ni segala segalanya lah microsoft office sudah tamat tempoh percubaan. bongok!!! mau install printer pnya entah apa la tu pun teda guna. mcm mana jua. inda dapt buat apa2!! apa la aku mau buat ni? heih! terpaksa lah aku hantar laptop ni p upgrade dulu kalau inda, inda lah habis kerja aku. habis la bos aku nda suru aku bercuti. hehe. btw, nasib baik la bos aku sporting. gila2 mcm aku jua. kakahkah. btw, aku akan cari jalan penyelesaian untuk mempercepatkan kerja aku. kalau inda. nda la aku senang hati. :((

bingung!!!

saat ni aku betul2 perlu tempat untuk luahkan perasaan. i have a problem. big family problem. semua tentang adik-beradik mummy aku. dorang menghadapi masalah. aku kesian sama dorang. apalagi dorang sekarang perlukan sejumlah duit yg banyak. rm4000. keluarga aku bukannya banyak duit. kami orang miskin. d mana mau cari duit sejumlah itu? aku kesian mumy aku. dia sayang sgt dgn dua orang adik dia yang ada masalah sekarang ni. padahal dorang cuma buat perkara yang betul. ada orang datang cari masalah d rumah kampung kami. siapa nda marah? ndakan la mau diam saja bila rumah kena serbuh? kesian uncle aku. walaupun aku nda tunjukkan yg aku sayang dorang. but i do. i mean it! how im gonna help both of them? aku nda mampu. aku nda mampu. aku mau tolong tapi mcm mana? apa yang patut aku buat? walaupun mumy aku nda tunjukkan yang dia nda risau. tapi. bila dengar suara dia masa kami b'telefon skejap. dia bagitau aku yang dorang perlukan rm4000 untuk ikat jamin dua orang uncle aku. aku tau. aku tau yang dia betul2 perlukan pertolongan untuk bagi bebas adik2 dia. tapi mummy. aku nda dapat tolong apa2 untuk uncle2 kami. aku cuma dapat tolong doakan supaya keluarga kita aman. aku cuma boleh tolong doakan supaya dorang dapat bebas dari semua ni. kesian uncle2 aku. aku harap yang bersalah tu tolong lah mengaku perkara yang sebenarnya. smpai bila2 pun kamu simpan rahsia yang kamu yg mulakan pergaduhan tu kamu nda kan aman. tolong lah. kesian uncle2 aku. aku sayang dorang. semua anak2 buah uncle rody sma uncle peter sayang sama kamu dua. kami nda akan benci kamu. kami semua akan doakan yg kamu akan bebas. god bless both of you. god bless for our family. keluarga kita mcm ni. roh bapa tua pun nda aman di atas sana. god please help us. i really mean it.

The Mantanani Island~

mantanani island. the true story. hee. :)

1st of all i wanna say i miss the mantanani island sgt2.

~i wanna say thank you to my beloved mom yang membenarkan aku pada saat2 akhir untuk pegi mantanani. mula2 mmg kna suru. sudah bayar pun. then bila dengar "ada satu kisah" yg saya rasa nda payah la share d cni, my mom nda suru. my cousin also nda suru. so, saya pun nda mau lah juga bantah cakap my mom.

~on the 4th november 2010 at 8.00am lah kn. my fren nana suda jalan la ni dari rumah. sedih la nda dapat join dorang suma. then around 8.10am lah. my mom call and tell me something lah. nda payah la share d cni. my mom call dia cakap 'ikut la ko pigi pulau mantanani tu'. then saya cakap lah. 'ala mumy.jalan sudah c rozana'. then my mom cakap. 'ko call la dia manatau dia mau pusing balik'. then i said. 'bah yala'.

~saya call la c rozana. then tanya dia d area mana. nasib dia belum jauh. then i tell her lah my mom suru suda saya pigi. then rozana cakap bah yala aku pusing. nasib la time tu mmg ada tmpt u-turn. hahaha.

~saya call my mom. and tell her. c rozana on the way mau ambil aku sudah. then my mom said 'bah..bagus la kau'. then i said 'yala tau, tpi mumy sya belum mandi lagi lah'.

then my mom said 'NDA PAYAH LA KO MANDI. NANTI SAMPAI PULAU BARU KO MANDI'. haha. mumy i love u so much. then i said. 'yala klu mcm tu'. dan saya pun nda la juga mandi. saya packing ntah apa2 punya baju. berus gigi. bagi stock makanan sama kucing then c rozana pun smpai lah.

~then otw masuk kereta i call my mom. i tell her. c rozana sampai suda. then my mom ask. 'ko ada bawa rosary ka' then i said ala teda. telupa. haha. then my mom cakap lagi. 'bagus2 ko sana'. then i reply 'yala, jangan risau. nnti ada apa2 aku lawan sja tu penjahat' then my mom said. 'NONONG JANGAN KO MACAM-MACAM SANA'. haha. tune voice dia tu lucu betul ni. haha. i miss u mom.

~then jalan la kmi ni. 1st pg ambil lyoni. 1 of our fren juga. then singgah p 7E beli barang ckit untuk d bawa pg pulau. then lpas ambil dia.kmi pigi kolej. bekumpul d sana. n sambil itu juga kmi breakfast d BLUE GINGER. our favorite cafe. then kmi tggu la geng-geng yg lain.

~hehe. then cut la cerita kan. blablablablabla. SAMPAI LAH SUDAH DI PULAU. kmi lunch. then rehat. then kami pigi snorkeling session yg pertama. wahhh.. memang syok. pengalaman yg paling indah sekali dalam hidup.

~afta snorkeling. kmi balik pigi pulau. pasang kem. take shower. urus diri masing2. then having our dinner. the kami pi cari ketam. then kami BBQ and have some JD mix COKE mix BEER. mmg saaadaaappp! hahaha. more than 5 glass juga la saya minum. but still lurus. haha.

then ada la sesuatu yg berlaku. yg mmg sya nda mau cerita d cni. nda menarik pun. just a big drama. wakakaka.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~`

apa2 pun saya pendekkan story. the mantanani island mmg the best lah. next year lagi kami planning mau pigi ambil diving pnya lesen d mantanani klu nda silap. only for rm500+++ per person. sepa yg mau join mari la join.

MANTANANI ISLAND I MISS U DAMN MUCH!

SEMUA KENANGAN YANG SUKAR UNTUK DILUPAKAN.

AND U BIATCH WATCH OUT YAH!

MAI MAI MANTANANI!

smile :)

hmm..title smile? yupyup. smile. sja ja mauk blog. boring yg teramat. nothing to do. d carwash bundusan. jual burger. tpi hari ni nda banyak org beli burger. mgkn suma orang sudah cukup zat2 yg ada dalam burger kan? kali la. aku tanya orang mau burger ka nda. dorg nda mau cos dorg baru lpas mkn. walaupun kecewa dorg nda mau burger. aku senyum ja. haha :) belajar dlm subject customer service klu masa bekerja. apa2 customer cakap atau nda mau. kita harus sentiasa senyum. kalauikutkan hati. mau juga aku marah. haha. LOL.

~hari ni aku dapat tau smtng dr c ****. ada la tu. malas mau cakap cni.not reallyimportant actually. cuma aku rasa funny. haha. :) aku suka bekwn yeow. aku suka buat banyak kawan. not more than that. :))

~hari ni aku ingat hari sabtu. tgk calendar balik. its sunday! omg! 2mrw got class...must go. friday sda escape. haish~ rasa mcm mau tidur 24/7..mau ganti kepenatan yg suda terbuang..mau berehat sepanjang masa. boring dan boring. dengar lagu pun boring. main game pun boring. tidur pun nda dapat. tapi tetap senyum. palui!

k la..tu ja la........

sorry

saat ni. skrg ni. hari ni. aku betul2 perlu seseorang untuk luahkan hati aku. tpi aku tau teda sepa yg akan faham. dorg nda lalui apa yg aku lalui. mgkn ada yg faham. tpi nda dapat juga buat apa2. or? ada yg pura2 faham padahal. ntah lah. satu2nya jalan utk kosongkan fikran hati yg nda tentu ni is tulis blog.

~hmm. knp baru skrg baru aku "bangun dari tidur"? kenapa baru skrg fikiran aku jadi waras? kenapa bkn sebelum ni? knp bkn sebelum aku sudah jauh? kenapa!!! aku menyesal pun teda guna sudah. semuanya sudah terlambat. tapi, dalam hidup ni mmg teda yg terlambat kan? tpi mcm mna? apa yg aku harus buat? apa langkah pertama yg aku harus aku betulkan semua ni? apa? aku pun nda tau. fikiran aku betul2 buntu. aku kecewa dgn diri aku sendiri. aku kecewa sebab iman aku nda kuat.

~aku mau lari dari semua ni. aku mau lari! aku mau mula hidup yang baru. bukan hidup mcm ni. tpi aku nda dapat lari. aku terikat. mmg kmu semua nampak aku happy tpi sebenarnya nda. ada dalam hati aku ni yg aku terpksa pendam. pendam entah smpai bila la. tolong aku. aku nda mau jadi macam ni lagi. aku mau jadi christina yg baru. bkn christina skrg.

~apa yg patut aku buat? hah? bunuh diri pun bukan jalan yg sesuai. semua tu akan tambah perkara jadi kucar kacir. someone please help me. aku nda dapat tolong diri aku ni. aku nda kuat.

~aku ni orang biasa. perempuan biasa. ada hati ada perasaan. aku mau betulkan hidup aku bukan mau tambah hancurkan hidup aku ni. ada ka sepa2 yg faham? :)

~sanggup meninggalkan insan yang disayangi

mencari si DIA yang sudah lama menghilang

bila dijumpai.......................

dia sudah pun berpunya~

u make me sick of this life!

last night i having a cup of peter vella wine..actually not a cup but more than 1..the reason i drink that cos the "setan" face suddenly muncul dalam kepala..im not sure why..thats why i drink so that when my head pening..i can sleep well without think about that "setan" lagi..i hate it! i wanna forget about u..but then how? i have no idea..too bad..i need to make myself hate you and forget about you and thats enough..but..dari dulu until now! i still cant make it! you still in my mind, heart, head and soul and whatever it is lah..i hate you! i need to find someone that can make me forget about you..something like bomoh or whatever it is..i dont care lah..the most important..you are not in my life anymore..ini yang penting...FYI I HATE YOU!

luahan luahan nda habis luahan saja!

hari ni my birthday..yg ke-19..makin lama makin tua pla..i wanna cry but i cant! aku kena kuatkan semangat..my mom and dad mungkin suda lupa hari jadi anak bongsu dorang ni..sedihnya..tpi aku cuba utk positifkan diri aku yg sensitif ni..maybe both of them teda crdt kali..or mgkn dorg busy so lupa mau wish..or mmg dorg nda ingt lngnsg bufday aku? ~sigh~ aku sedih sgt ni..aku nda boleh la klu my parents nda wish my bufday..jadi jauh pla hati aku..hmm..knp la aku sgt sensitif..

i miss my old life..still stay at labuan..watching my mom jait kain...waiting for my dad from work..makan my dad pnya masakan..ikan steam...ikan masak tauchu (dont know the spelling)... dengar my mom membebel if 24 for 7 bersms sahaja!

i want to move back to labuan..can ka mumy? can ka dady? i know dorg nda akn tebaca ni..but yala..luahan kan...aku belum habis lagi study d KCC..tapi aku nda mau study lagi! aku nda mau bangun awal...aku nda mau lagi buat asgmnt yg mana skrg pun suda ada 4 report yg belum buat...aku nda mau buat semua tu lagi! i just wanna stay at home with my mom and dad..

rindunya..kalau d labuan..mumy dady selalu tengok cerita tamil d astro..ntah apa channel..lama sda nda tengok astro..suka betul dorang tengok cerita tu..hehe....i miss both of them so much! i want to spend my time with them...rindu mau naik my dady car...semua la aku rindu! kenapa ah hari ni aku rindu sgt sma dorang...yala..plus dorang tu nda wish bufday aku,.sepa juga nda sedih kan? any1 yg faham my feeling rite now?

aku nda tau sda pasal apa aku cakap ni...bercampur baur..terlampau emo..apa2 pun aku akan positifkan fikiran and nda fikir negatif kenapa mengapa dorang nda wish bufday aku..anggap ja la dorang teda crdt kan...hahahahahahahahahahaahahhahahahahahahahah....

happy birthday to me! :((

friday-june 25th 2010

on tat day..friday 25th june 2010..which is yesterday..i get some bad news about my mom from my cousin in labuan..(vanessa)..we chatting..then suddenly she told me..'mumy kau sakit kan'..i read the msg pun tekejut..i don't even know..so i ask evrytng about my mom..brapa lama sakit..teruk ka..sakit apa..the she said..mumy sya tia boleh bangun..den mmg sakit teruk..then my mom sakit cikunya..time chatng wif my cousin..i just tahan airmata berabis..seriously..tahan airmata..den i msg my mom..at 11.42pm..i ask.."mumy.kau sakit ka".then she didnt reply..i msg my dady..ask the same question...no respon..i try to call my sister which is live wif my parents in labuan...(callen)..her fon switch off..i msg my sister(kerry) ask the same soalan...and also my sister in kl (kenny)..yala ask the same question..all of them no respon..my crdt last night 88sen..i want to call my mom..but takut nda cukup..sekejap ja dpt cakap...at the same time i chat wif my cousin (nelbon)..i ask sakit apa tu cikunya..the he said..very dangerous cos d semenanjung sda ada kes kematian..im styl tahan airmata..so i made a decision..i just call my mom..then my dad yg answer..time tu boleh lgi tahan airmata..den i ask la..mumy sakit ka? the he said yes..sakit..time tulah sya berabis nangis..tpi masih lgi dapat becakap..i ask berapa lama sda..tpi sya nda berapa dengar cos sya nangis nda clear..den styl talking to my dad..sya tny la lgi..c vanesa ckp mumy nda boleh bangun..masih nangis lgi ni..den suddenly..my mom pnya voice..dady pass fon tu tmpt mumy..tambah lgi aku nangis nerabis..aku tny la..mumy sakit ka...mumy cakap iya..sakit apa..then mumy cakap sakit sendi2 sakit badan..she didn't mention 'cikunya'..den sya tny..mumy ada p hospital...mumy ckp teda..and mumy cakap sakit dia ni teda ubat..mmm..tmbh la nangis..den sya ckp la..mumy pg la hoapital..ada ubat kena bagi juga tu..den mumy cakap..tengok la dulu..den sya cakap la mumy janji dulu mumy pg..mumy just cakap tengok la dulu..then masih lagi nangis ni..my mom tanya c rozana bila balik kk..den sya cakap la ari ahad..den mumy tny sepa kwn kau sana..sya cakap la nia..then..mumy cakap baik2 kau sana..then i said iya..den habis la perbualan kami..i send a text to my mom. BAGUS2 MUMY SANA. SAYA SAYANG MUMY. den time baring sda ni. masih lagi nangis. penat sda. tidur la. and now my eyes bengkak. hopefully my mom get well soon. i love u mumy!

-s-e-d-i-h-

me n my hsemte (nana)..ada pelihara kucing...lazenda,chulo,twen and wenty..and...anty nana(uyui) ask us to take care of her kitten..~pearl~..so..me and nana already anggap lima ekor kucing tu kmi pnya..but sudenly another 1 nana aunt (bella)..dia mau ambil c pearl cos pearl very manja dgn smua org..teda terkecuali..so, my title sedih cos sedih la bah mau berpisah dgn c pearl..but wat can i say.. :( love u pearl!

i love my cats :)

me and my housemate(nana) ada pelihara kucing. dulu kami tinggal d hing's park apartment. time kami tinggal sana. ada kucing ni mau megandung. dia jalan2 d car park. nda lama tu. kuicng tu beranak d kotak d beranda kmi. hehe. mula2 aku sma c nana takut ni mau pegang mama kucing tu. cos bila kami dekat kotak tu mama kucing tu mcm marah ni. so kmi kasi biar la dulu. selepas 3 minggu lah mcm tu. hehe. kami pegang mama kucing tu. okay ja mama kucing tu. then kmi tengok anaknya dari luar. alamak! cute anaknya ehh. 1st aku tertarik sma c "lazenda". lawa kn nama? well, aku kan yg bgi nama. :p so, c nana pun ada kucing pilihannya tu. nama kucingnya c "chulo". hehe. cute miut ank2 kucing tu. aku sayang dorang. aku nda mau berpisah dengan dorang. cos dulu aku ada pelihara 1 kucing. nama dia "garfield". ala kucing kampung ja. aku jumpa kucing tu d tangga rmh aku d sepangar ria. time tu aku sma kakak aku (kenny). so, kmi buat keputusan la mau pelihara. then, ada 1 masa tu kami mau balik labuan kan. kami bawa la kucing tu balik. hmm. sedih. jiran aku ambil kucing tu time aku d kk. suka hatinya lgi tu tukar nama. sakit hati ni. :( so, this time aku pelihara kucing. aku nda mau kucing tu kena ambil lagi oleh orang lain. pasal aku sayang dorang semua (kucing). aku sma c nana pelihara 5 ekor kucing. suppose to be 4 jak. but then ada 1 kucing ni pigi rumah anty c nana d pearl condo. dia suru kami yg jaga. cos dia tau kami mmg penyayang kucing. (tats true). so 5 of them ada nama. LAZENDA, CHULO, TWEN, WENTY & PEARL. nama c pearl tu pearl cos dia d jumpa d pearl condo. mmg sesuai pun kan. yg nama 4 ekor lgi tu. secara rambang jak. hehehe.

lazenda, chulo, twen & wenty aku sma nana jaga dr baby smpi besar tau. kami btl2 cat lover :)

kami mau jaga kucing tu sampai besar :)

this is our promise :)

time for sharing :p

sejak kebelakangan ni aku rasa lain sgt. mcm mau nangis sekuat hati tapi teda tempat utk aku nangis. aku cuma dapat nangis dalam hati sja. seriously. aku nda tau kenapa lah. aku rasa mcm mau blame semua org tpi nda dpt. yg aku dpt cma tahan airmata aku ni. argghhh! fcuk! aku stress skrg ni. mcm bingung trus aku. nda tau apa mau cakap. rasa macam aku mau bagi tinggal sja dia. biar dia belajar ckit utk faham aku. klu skrg ni dia nda akn faham aku.

time anivsry kmi. knp aku nda mau jmpa knp aku nda mau celebrate or watevr la kan. cos no use bah mau celebrate. keadaan tetap sama. teda apa2 akn berubah pnya. buat apa mau celebrate kan. buang masa sja. tension aku. mcm mna aku mau kasi tinggal dia ah? setiap kali aku mau kasi tinggal dia, dia akn ugut aku. baik aku mati. ugut la diri dia sndiri. aku cakap bnyk kali dia nda jg pndai faham. heran aku, :)

aku rasa setahun lgi aku sma dia kn. aku mau masuk bukit padang secara sukarela lah. aku nda tau lgi la mau cakap. knp aku blh stress ni ah? knp aku boleh benci dia? aku pun nda tau sebenarnya. hahahaha. minta maaf bnyk2. k.

aku cma mau luahkan ja perasaan aku ni. kepada sesiapa yg terbaca ni. tolong diam sja. k?

hehehehehehe.

p/s: aku sayang dia. sangat2. tpi ada sumting yg buat aku jadi benci dia. tapi aku nda tau apa. mgkn ka perangai dia yg kadang2 nda pndai faham aku? aku pun nda tau lah. please. aku nda tahan suda mcam ni. i love u dear. tpi sayang aku dekat kau nda sama lgi mcm dulu. sorrrryyy. aku minta maaf bnyk2. aku harap aku mati dan nda payah hadapi semua ni lagi. BYE!

the late grandpa wilfred rubin. known as "bapa tua".

on the 2nd June 2010 at 3:40am. my grandpa passed away. semua perkara terjadi d depan mataku sndiri. well, from A to Z. yah. tats true. my grandpa menghembuskan nafas terakhir pun aku tengok. kata2 terakhir dr arwah kpd ank2nya. (my mom, uncle & aunt). sgt sedih. airmata ni nda tertahan. even we're not so close btween each other. kehilangan tu sgt2 terasa. kesian dkt my mom cos her father teda sda. (time tulis blog ni aku tengah tahan airmata). aku teringat semua apa yg terjadi. bila saat keranda tu mau ditutup sda. my grandma known as "mama tua". meraung menangis nda mau benarkan orang tutup keranda tu. my grandma talk to arwah in dusun. but i do understand. "besok ko tidak balik lagi" , "saya tidak dapat tengok kau lagi". kesian mama tua. teda sda teman hidup dia. then not only grandma yg meraung nangis. also my mom and my aunt. yg buat aku tambah nangis. my mom also talk to arwah. "bapa minta beli baju untuk krismas, tapi tidak pun kau tepakai" OMG. airmata ni nda sda dapat tahan. mlm sebelum dia hembuskan nafas terakhir. dia sempat disuap nasi oleh anak dia. bnyk permintaan dia mlm tu. dia mau duduk d kerusi. and bnyk lgi. kata terakhir dr arwah grandpa utk ank2 dia "sya betul2 minta maaf sma kmu". then mumy aunt and uncle ckp dorg sda maafkan arwah. secara pelahan2 mata arwah tertutup. dan disanalah semua adik-beradik my mom nangis kehilangan bapa tercinta. sehari sebelum arwah meninggalkan kmi semua. dia sempat pesan dekat anak bongsu dia utk iron bju batik and seluar pnjang hitam dia. so, pakaian itulah yg dipakaikan kepada arwah bapa tua. kmi sekeluarga mendoakan semoga bapa tua tenteram di "sana". BAPA TUA KAMI SEMUA SAYANG KAU PA.

(picture will update soon)

my name is christina :)

hari ni friday 14th may..my mom p kk..dia ada urusan cni...im happy but a lil bit afraid...cos last 2 days if im not mistaken..a letter smpai to my parents from my college..and the letter is all about my kehadiran to college...hmm...on tat day my mom already call me and marah...but im fine...i dont care...yah..i should deserve it...hmm...fyi...aku nda p college bersebab...tpi sebab aku tu nda kena terima...geram juga la when kena bagitau letter mau kena hantar...hmm..i made a promise to myself...tiz semester i will always come to college..no matter wat....aku akan kasi full my kehadiran...i hope my mom nda lagi bising2 about it.... :)

saturday april 17 2010~

hari ni ialah hari yg sangat malang~ actually aku nda mau jalan pun.. tpi memandangkan teda apakan d buat d rumah..so...aku ikut lah housemte aku jalan pkai scooternya yg memang aku tau pandai buat masalah...hahaha....sorry na... :p

kmi gerak dari rumah around jam11 la gtu...tujuan kami adalah untuk pigi tinguk autoshow d harbour city...tau ka d mna tu?? depan sutra harbour lah bah... :p

so...kmi ni bejanji sma member scooter hsemte ku tu....janji jumpa d grace point den baru gerak sma2 pg harbour city tu....1st semuany berjalan dgn lancar sekali...

kmi sda smpai la ni d harbour city..mmg sasak cos bnyk urang yg semua muka2 durang tu yg mcm nda siap acuan ja aku liat...ooppsss...sowey! den..baru ja kmi smpai kan d tmpt perkarangan autoshow..tiba2 la pla bah hujan yg turun bagaikan mutiara...hemmm..jdi memandangkan harbour city tu sda sasak dgn ramai urang plus teda tempat berteduh..kmi pg la cari restoran yg berdekatan ja...nda smpai 15saat bejalan..smpai sda d restoran tu...nama restoran tu ialah tenom kopitiam..hemmm....

den..minum2 la kmi sna sambil tggu hujan tu nda brapa hujan sgt...hahaha....

den member scooter lgi 1 ni mimang kasian sgt..cos ia ni bawa 2 penumpang...1 d belakang 1 d depan...astaga!! budak la tapi.. :p

namanya ni once...dia ckp dia boring tgk autoshow tu plus aku sma hsemte ku c nana pun kboringan jua la...yg banar!

so, c once ni bawa kmi p 1 borneo..haha..nda sedar diri betul kan dia tu...sda la bawa 2 penumpang..mau lagi jalan jauh2 p 1b bah...hahaha...apa2 pun aku sma c nana suport jua la niatnya tu...kesian jua dia kan kalau jalan sma budak2...hahah..mesti kna fikir bapa muda...ekekeke....

jeng jeng~ start cni part yg urang blg very the shit ni~

kmi otw la ni p 1b kan..mula2 nda hujan...skali bila kmi smpai 1b hujan la pla...time ni masih lagi kmi mencari parking..walaupun scooter ah mesti jua cari parking yg sesuai cos almaklum lah scooter kwnku tu sda bertarik injin..sayang la klu parking d tempat yg nda selamat kan..so..c nana bawa la membernya parking d atas ni...klu kmu tau 1b ada tower A kan..nama tmpt parkingnya P3..sna la kmi naik ni...den bila sda smpai tmpt parking...KAMI D TAHAN OLEH SECURITY GUARD YG SIAL!! buli2 ia nda suru kami parking d sna...nah..apa lagi aku sma kwn ku c nana marah security tu...tarang2 ada 2 biji moto tu beparking sna kmi pla dia nda suru...dia ingt muka2 kmi ni pencuri ka apa...padahal muka security tu yg mcm pencuri...dasar wajah nya tu nda siap acuan...bikin geram...

pas2 bila aku marah2 security tu...ada 1 security yg baik...penyelamat la utk kmi cos time tu sda hujan lebat...dia ckp la kmu parking sja la sna...terus yg security marah kmi tu...mcm palui trus muka dia...hahaha...padan muka kena marah....so..parking la ni kan sda...kmi masuk la pg dalam..1b tu...kmi mau p tgk wayang psl budak yg c once bawa tu mau tinguk wayang..uina..wayang hantu lgi tu dia mau tinguk...problem betul...kmi nda jadi tinguk wayang cos budak2 nda buli masuk...cancel la hasrat mau tinguk wayang tu...

jadi....memandangkan kmi nda tau mau buat apa...kmi p isi perut..mkn d 1b....murah ja..heheh.. :p mkn la ni kmi sda...so kmi masing2 mau balik...aku ni berharap la inda hujan..cos scooter member ku tu pndai mati den nda blh jalan cos ada lah sumting yg nda kena tu...aku ni berabis sda berdoa supaya scooter tu nda buat hal..alalalala...depan alam mesra jga scooter tu buat hal..apa inda habis basah kuyup...

nasib la kmi belum berpisah sma c once..dan kebetulan jga la ada kedai motor d dalam alam mesra tu...bertunda la kmi ni smpai ke kedai motor tu....

baik pekerja workshop tu...ia suru kmi bayar ikut KEIKHLASAN HATI..hehe..duit pun nda bnyk...c nana bg signal rm5..nasib la ada rm5 bulat2..klu inda terpksa la bg rm10...hahahahaha...

den..senang la hati..bila c nana ckp scooternya ok sda(tai lah) :p

1st mmg ok la...berabis ni aku berdoa...'ya tuhan jangan la kau bagi halangan kepada kami utk smpai ke destinasi'...everything was fine.... yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

tpi dalam hati ku masih lagi aku bedoa ni...takut mati tengah jalan...jadi aku tinguk meter minyak kawanku tu...astaganaga...merah bah sda...aku bgtau lah dia kita isi minyak dulu..

DENGAN BANGGANYA IA CAKAP MASIH ADA MINYAK!!

jadi aku pun diam la trus...ok la jua dalam perjalanan...sekali kan...ada d 1 area ni...scooter yg kmi gelar redbull mati nda dpt bejalan...nda dpt start...tengah jalan lg tu!! nasib kmi d bahagian tepi...hujan lg tu...ya ampun..haha...stop la kmi ni..c nana berabis start...nda dapat...jadi ia suru aku turun pigi ambil ada 1 kon tu utk simpan d belakang kmi utk menandakan motor rusak...hahaha...malu jua la tpi apa bulih buat..terpksa..klu inda ada karang kena hon..haha...

den...c nana start pnya start akhirnya dpt jua la...ok la sda...

next...jalan la kmi ni sda..masuk area simpang kobusak...kmi sda limps tu shell..masih ok lagi ni scooter...SEKALINYA...mati..bkn psl apa...tau pasal apa??? pasal habis minyak!!!!! ROZANNAH MAZLAN!!! TULAH KO NDA DENGAR CAKAP AKU KAN! :P

kmi terberhenti depan 1 kedai runcit...alahai..ckit lagi bah mau smpai rumah..tapi klu surung scooter tu mimang jauh jua la ckit...heheh...

jadi c nana pigi la tanya d kedai runcit tu..mau pinjam gelen...tong la...utk isi minyak...tapi keling tu inda bagi..ia ckp nada...dasar kedekut...jadi..aku tanya botol kosong ada ka..ia bagi la....c nana jalan kaki la ni p shell yg sda kmi limpas tu...hahaha...baru ko tau...tulah nda dengar ckp aku isi minyak dulu... :)

jalan la ni dia sda...aku jaga motor depan kedai runcit tu yg mcm aku mau p kasi demolish ja ohh...

den tiba2 pla bos kedai runcit tu keluar p tmpt aku..shit pnya kaling..mati la kau sana...buli2 ia tanya aku masih single ka inda...babi pnya kaling mimang dasar kaling lanji!!!!!!! trus ia suru lgi aku masuk kadainya...sorry la lanji banar!!! ~shit~

den..nda lama tu c nana balik sda dari shell..hahah....sedih jua la meliat ia bawa balik botol tanpa minyak....ia ckp pekerja d shell tu buduh..ia tanya buli ka isi minyak guna botol..haha..terus orang tu marah cakap inda buli..haha..ksian c nana.... :)

den aku suggest sma c nana la surung ja smpai rumah..ia ckp inda mau..cos drpd surung smpai rumah dakat lgi la surung smpai d shell tu...surung la ni p shell..den c nana kepenatan..aku rasa ia mau pingsan sda..hahah...ia minta belikan air...jadi aku masuk la dlm shell ia isi minyak secara open'...so...aku tggu la ni d dlm shell utk bayar minyak and air...siap la ni kan sda c nana isi minyak...pekerja shell tu bgtau la total rm7.45..so aku bayar la rm10...jadi aku ingtkn sda termasuk air yg aku simpan depan dia tu...jadi aku keluar la bawa air tu...tau apa yg shitnya??

ia pkai microphone cakap AIR TU BELUM BAYAR TU..shit!!! pnya malu...sial....keluar la 1 pekerja ni ambil duit..aku marah la...aku suru ia pesan dekat cashier bgtau dia LAIN KALI JANGAN BECERITA SJA KERJA, TINGUK APA YG PELANGGAN AMBIL, AKU TAMPAR TU DIA, JANGAN KO LUPA KASITAU DIA..angguk2 la pekerja yg sebalah matanya tu juling....balik la ni kmi..sampai rumah dengan selamt...

sampai ja rumah mandi terus!!!!

~begitu la ceritanya yg sangat malang..scooter, security gila, kaling lanji dan juga prempuan shell yg buduh usulnya~

:p

meggie kari plus bawang merah plus hot nescafe!

skrg ni jam 6:32pm. kmi makan megi kari tapi lain2 cara masakan. tapi aku jua yg masak. hmm. pemalas c nana tu. hahahah.. megi ku ada kuah pas2 campur bawang merah..sedap gila!!! pas2 c nana pnya megi megi kari kering campurannya cili padi and limau..hehe..aku nda suka mkn yg mcm tu...hehe...tapi masing2 kesedapan cos cuaca hari ni hujan..sejuk..den mkn yg panas2 lgi....sedap eh..."hingga menjilat mangkuk"

kuang2...main2 ja lah...hehehe.... :p

~the thomas's daughters~

i dont have any picture for this post...will upload soon...the title the thomas's daughters...

means my sisters including me...i have 3 sisters and i dont have any brother...my 1st sister kenny martha thomas...my 2nd sister callen edwina thomas..my 3rd sister kerry matilda thomas and the last 1 is myself christina thomas...i dont have 2nd name...why uh? dont know oh...later i ask my mom and dad lah...(sounds merajuk) :p

all of us girl...and all of my sisters already get married...happy for them with their very own family..

me? get marry? uuummmm... not asap... still want to enjoy with the single life....

i start with my 1st sister..kenny...now she have 2 kids...couple...melody and luke...both of them very the cute....hahah... :p luke since he born i neva met him yet...cos now he in kl...my sister husband...graig...a police man....baaahhhhh....habis la kmu yg buat jahat sma sya...senang sja sya suruh abg ipar sya tangkap kmu...hehehe...kidding...

~ story with me n kenny? yeah...got some...heheh...pernah gaduh..but nda lah lama sgt mau bermusuh...pndai juga okey balik...well, 1st sista kan...mmg la bah kena respect...plus dia mmg garang...but sumtimes ada tu dia lucu2...kan kny?? hehehe... rindu pla sma dia...rindu biskut and kek yg dia buat...oh ya...ada funny story while dia tengah minta puji buat cake...hahahah....dia baru beli pembancuh cake...murah ja nda mahal...plus giant brand...time dia tgh bancuk cake....u know wat hapen?? hahahah....berasap bah tu benda...astaga....hahaha...teda kualiti langsung kan...so bila sda ada lesson..dia beli la yg baru...smpai skrg belum lgi la berasap...cos tda org guna pun benda tu...teda yg minat buat2 biskut ni kecuali dia.... :)

next my 2nd sista?? callen~

memory with her? terlalu lah bnyk..berbanding dgn sis aku yg lain...sma dia lah yg paling bnyk begaduh...knp?? psl dia ni lain ckit perangai..so....tats y la...kmi gaduh smpai bebulan2 nda betegur...hehehe...well..bila benci tu sda dlm hati mmg la....dia pun sda get married...got 4 kids...

2 kids from her 1st husband and 2 from her 2nd husband...

i dont have so many topics to talk about her...im nt sure why lah...

i hope lah dia akan berubah sepenuhnya...k callen...

next my 3rd sister..kerry!!!

heheh...memory sma dia? bnyk juga la...sma dia pun sya pernah begaduh...teruk? nda jua lah...

nda lma kmi bermusuh...hahaha...

dia ni ada 3 anak...semua pun prempuan...hehehe...klu dia tmbh lgi 1..sma jg prempuan...sma la sda mcm kmi adik beradik...

c kerry ni kadang2 buat aku naik angin juga...waaa...aku lg tu yg bongsu mau naik angin...buduh! :p

well yah...mmg betul pun..

im happy for her cos walaupun hidupnya salah masuk simpang...akhirnya dia berjaya juga....congrats...tambah anak ah next year..bnyk juga rakyat the thomas...

last~about me?

heheh...now im studying at kinabalu college...study bout tourism..

im the youngest in my siblings...manja la ckit nda la manja yg "luan" bahasa kedayan..cari la maksudnya sndiri.. :p

aku ni sensitif jga..sensitif sgt...pantang org main2 psl my mom and dad...even my sister dorg main2 psl our parents...nangis juga c callen aku marah..sepa suruh...mulut dia tu teda tapis...sma juga mcm c kerry...hehehe...

conclusion about this topic: benci juga bila gaduh sma kakak aku tu...tpi sayang tetap ada...pndai ada rasa benci juga sma dorang..tpi perasaan tu cuma hanya sementara jak...nda lama benci sma dorg...even sumtimes dorg tu pndai menyakitkan hati...aku tetap sayang dorang..hehehe...walaupun mungkin dorg nda sayang aku pasal aku ni jajal aka nakal...sepa kesah...hehehe.. :p nyway...

KENNY CALLEN KERRY KALAU KMU TEBACA NI ITS JUST FOR SAJA2 JAK LAH. WALAUPUN KITA PERNAH GADUH2 SEBELUM NI. ITU HAL DULU KAN. JANGAN UNGKIT LAGI. I LOVE YOU MY SISTER! FORGIVE ME~