sekejap hujan sekejap mendung sekejap panas

ya..cuaca kita di malaysia ni macam juga mood seseorang yang sekejap ok sekejap nda..

hari ni ok..esok lain..lusa lagi lain..kenapa macam tu?

aku pun bingung..hari ni cakap 'a'..esok cakap 'b'..lusa cakap 'c'..

apa yang sebenarnya berlaku ni? kenapa sukar untuk d mengerti?

boleh ka kasi faham aku supaya aku nda jadi bingung..

supaya nda timbul 1 persoalan d benak aku yang sepatutnya nda perlu ada..

give me one xplenation yang honest yang bukan acting yang bukan untuk jaga hati..

supaya kita masing2 senang..tiada yang tekanan dalam hal mcm ni..

kau,aku dan dia

maybe for you i don't have anything for you. i'm just a "rubbish" and wait for the right time for you to put me inside the "trash". "trash" or "recycle bin"? its up to you. the few days since we met again i'm trying to understand you. but you keep make me confuse about her. why? why you can't just tell me the truth. if you love then you tell me. so, i don't have to wait for you. i let you go. but, you told me so that she is just your game. and today you tell me she is your crush. what do you want actually? can you tell me the truth?

just make it simple. just tell me the truth and don't pretend anymore! i'm sick of your acting. if you said you love her. then fine. i will let you go! forever and ever. and i will not come back. that's all i need.

you keep saying that she's nothing! only a game lah! a crush lah! wtf! if you said so lah kan why you seem like you can't live without her? everyday you act like that! well. i'am "warden harimau"! so? why don't you choose 1 of us bha! can bha kan? i don't care if you choose her but please do say to me that you don't want me anymore. simple as well.

i'm begging. not only you i think of. a lot of thing. you know what is all about.

forgiveness..

while typing this blog im listening to the song of miley cyrus-when i look at you.

actually first time listening to the song. and i realize the song is really nice. and the next song that i choose is waiting outside line by greyson. nice song too.

this is my last blog. and i will go sumwhere else that not everybody know about it. will be back soon and update my blog and also my facebook. :)

FORGIVENESS?

yes. in our life. must have a mistake then next is forgiveness. me myself done a big mistake that don't have in my list of life. i'm stupid. totally stupid. and im regret for the mistake that i have done. i just need forgiveness from everybody. and ofcos fogiveness from the god. my god. my only god. forgive me lord. i'm just a human. normal human being. i did a mistake for many times. and the only thing i need to recover myself is forgiveness.

one day all of you will know what is the real meaning of forgiveness after you feel guilty.

i have nothing else to say. i have to get ready my mind to face up with the new life.

i don't have any chance for it

mungkin ada sesetengah orang yang faham keadaan dan perasaan aku. yang faham hati aku. yang faham segala2nya tentang aku. andai aku ada peluang 1 kali saja untuk semua tu. aku akan hargai peluang tu. sangat.

apa yang aku mau? mungkin kamu nda tau. aku mau buat dia ketawa. aku mau buat dia gembira. aku mau hargai masa yang ada sama dia. walaupun sekejap. bagi la aku peluang untuk kami. aku nda kuat. aku belum cukup kuat. susah ka untuk kamu faham?

angan2 yang selama ni aku harapkan cuma satu mimpi tidur aku! kenapa? pasal aku hormat kamu. aku hormat keputusan yang kamu buat untuk aku. tapi nda boleh ka bagi aku peluang walaupun sekejap saja? sekejap saja. rintihan hati aku ni setiap malam. aku tanggung sendiri. aku fikir apa yang terjadi nanti?

aku nda sanggup. aku betul2 nda sanggup. ya tuhan. tolong la beri keajaiban untuk semua ni.

andainya masa bisa diputar kembali

setiap insan di dunia tidak kira perempuan atau lelaki,

pasti akan melakukan satu atau lebih kesilapan,

kesilapan yang tidak dingini menjadi satu penyesalan dalam hidup,

bak kata pepatah "nasi sudah jadi bubur".

setiap kesilapan yang dilakukan pasti ada sebab,

pada mulanya tiada kesilapan,

tapi akhirnya menjadi satu kesilapan yang disesali,

andai masa bisa diputar kembali alangkah baiknya.

setelah kesilapan berlaku,

penyesalan dalam hidup akan menjadi igauan,

tidak tahu bila akan berakhir rasa sesalan dalam diri,

hanya meminta kepada tuhan supaya dimaafkan.

yesterday~18/11/2011

hari ni actually 19/11/11. ala. aku nda bagitau pun kamu tau juga kan hari apa dan bila aku tulis.

hehe. smlm aku tetidur d sofa. aku tbgn lebih kurang dalam 3.30am. ada lebih2 lagi la. nda ingat pula jam brapa. so aku pindah masuk bilik. ingatkan dapat la aku tidur balik. ternyata sangkaan aku tu salah. :)

but its okay..dalam jam5 lebih2 la kan. aku p mandi. tujuan aku untuk refresh kan badan yang sudah berapa lama nda terurus. aku mengaku berapa lama aku nda terurus. dan hari ni aku mau lebih bersemangat. nda mau jadi bodoh dan nda mau jadi si bodoh. :)

okay. stop with the opening lah bah kan. title kunun cakap pasal semalam. tapi panjang lebar lagi mau cakap.

yesterday-hehe. semalam adalah hari yang paling bodoh aku rasa. bila aku sorang aku akan pandai buat yang gila2. contohnya aku belakon jadi orang lain yang sepatutnya aku lebih profesional untuk jadi seorang penipu yang terhebat. tapi aku masuk jerat aku sendiri. bila aku fikir2 la kan. aku bejaya juga la apa aku buat tu. puas hati jua la ckit. :)

so, lepas c kawan dapat tau yang aku buat semua tu. mengamuk!! aku pun kena syko! tetalan jua la syko tu! hehe. tapi okay juga la. atleast dorang tau aku sanggup buat apa saja. mungkin langkah seterusnya kaki aku akan melangkah ke kuala lumpur.

so selepas kejadian conversation yang aku rasa nda masuk ke pangkal angkal aku. aku terjadi la juga bodoh! aku akun jua mau macam tu. tapi dalam hati ni mcm? hehe. apa lagi mcm tattoo aku yang d belakang ni la. apa lagi! shialan! kima!

so, aku minta pandangan butong@bella yang selama beberapa hari ni jadi teman baik aku untuk luahkan isi hati aku. thanx for that. really appreciate it. then, brapa lama aku duk dalam bilik sambil befikir betul ka keputusan yang aku ambil ni ah? itu nanti baru aku cakap la tentang keputusan aku.

so, selepas tu aku keluar dari bilik, aku p masuk bilik c butong. berbasa basi. "butong nda lapar ka?". hehe. actually mengidam mau minum "ice blended cappucino". kami pigi la d indah permai p check cool city. hmm. tutup la pla. nasib la ice cream capucino pun ada. butong pun beli ice cream juga. butong makan ice cream jagung + mint. aku pla. 2 scoop cappucino. memang naik selera trus la untuk makan apa semua. jadi, singgah lagi p kedai kaling. order mee goreng mamak la kunun. order teh c special la kunun. butong lagi kfc. nugget ayam la kunun. 2 biji colonel burger la kunun. haha. ngok.

nah, sekalinya sampai ja rumah. masing2 baring d sofa. memikirkan masalah dan sambil meluahkan masalah. sedikit sebanyak membantu aku untuk berfikir lagi matang dan membuka minda aku yang beberapa hari ni tertutup rapat. ya. memang aku bodoh! aku sedar aku bodoh.

then, nda lama tu. aku masuk bilik. minum teh c special la. sambil makan mee goreng mamak tu. tapi kalau kamu mau tengok jua la kan mee goreng mamak tu yang aku makan tapi look like nda bekacau walau ckit pun. :0 mungkin itu la org cakap kan makan hati. ka banar2 aku nada selera. nda tau la labu dan labi.

so selepas bercerita sama c narutto mazlan. aku pigi luar la untuk becerita sama butongsss ni.

ewah ewah. nyenyak dia tidur. jadi aku pun limpang jua la d sofa lagi satu. last2 aku pun terlelap la jua. then, itu la kejadian seterunya aku terbangun jam3.30 tu lpas tu pindah masuk bilik.

jadi pagi ni ada satu kejadian yang kurang menyenangkan hati aku. aku perlu berfikir lagi untuk kedua kali. iaitu: simpan atau buang? if simpan i have to ready dengan segala kegilaan yang akan terjadi. if buang i have to move own with the new life yang orang memang nda akan sangka aku akan buat la. so,i have no choice untuk buat keputusan yang mungkin buat sementara buat aku gila dan kurang waras. tapi atleast kalau aku buat keputusan macam tu aku dapat buktikan sesuatu juga. am i right? ntah la. aku betul2 bingung. cuba dulu pakar bagi nasihat bagi aku sedikit tunjuk ajar. bleh tak?

the tattoo of mine

this is the new tattoo of mine. actually i made this tattoo just to show how my heart is. what is the condition my heart. some people will understand and someone do not understand.

i don't blame any of you if you guys can't understand my situation. it's hard to explain. it's hard to start from the A and from the Z.

and i know in 5 years have in a relationship with this person. there's a sweet memory that we create for each other to keep safely inside our heart. and also the bad memory that i do create for the person that i love. and i'm sorry for that.

before this i made the big stupid decision to broke up after the 5 years we having the sweet moment every second every minutes and so on. and i come back. because i just realize my heart only for the person that taking care of my life for 5 years. so, i decide to have a relationship again. then the person accept me. i'm so happy. happy only for a few days before i know the person heart had been taken by someone else.

then i know now, how i hurt the person is a big mistake. because i felt that way right now. this moment. not only in my heart and also my nerve. the person that i do love and miss have someone else. and they can texting each other in front of me. honestly, i'm hurt. really hurt. everything is hurting me. the person that i love called the girl "syg". taking care each other. i'm hurt. i'm down.

i want to let it be. stay away from the person that i love. but, the person that i love don't want to let me go. what is that mean? want to see how hurt i am? you do know actually. and i can't accept it.

so, the person that i love wanted to make a deal. a stupid deal that i should not accept it. the person want in a relationship with me and also the girl. and the person that i love ask me to do the same thing. i can find another 1. seriously, before this just make it simple. i can. but right now, the situation is not same.

yet, in front of you i still can pretending that i don't feel anything if you still contact with the girl. and i'm done. the tattoo at my back show the condition the real condition my heart is. it's called broken heart. and yes. i'm a broken heart girl. i let you play with the girl, it's up to you. whatever it take, i'm not longer will be beside you anymore. i'm going. i will bring my heart go away from you. enough with the hurt that you create with me. i realize i deserve it.

now you free. there's no one and not me will stop your decision. you already saw the present that i give you today. and i will bring it far away together with me. i pray for your happiness.

aku tau!!!

baru skrg aku tau apa erti cinta sebenar. walaupun cinta terlarang. ternyata cinta itu indah. cinta itu boleh menguasai diri dan segalanya.

aku sanggup didua. kalau itu yang dapat bahagiakan dia. tp aku mengaku aku sakit. aku sakit tengok dia setiap malam bermesej sama prempuan tu. aku sakit. aku terpaksa kuat. aku harus kuat supaya tidak kehilangan dia.

tapi sampai bila aku harus diduakan? adaka sampai aku yg pergi jauh dari sisi dia?

aku nda tau apa patut aku buat.

aku sayang dia. sangat sayang. walaupun aku boleh cari orang lain. aku nda akan dapat cinta yg dia bagi dekat aku dari org lain. aku nda akan dapat rasa semua tu dari org lain. aku tertanya2. apa perasaan dia sebenarnya dekat insan yang lagi satu?

ya tuhan. beri la aku kekuatan untuk hadapi semua ni tuhan.

alim kah?

now the time show 5.19am.

aku nda tau kenapa tebangun. n aku rasa sangat down. i do plan make a tattoo this morning. so i do searching for the design. n i found it.

aku betul2 sangat down dan terkilan. 5 tahunkisah cinta yang tercipta sudah teda lagi. ada tu ada tapi tidak lagi macam dulu. aku sangat terkilan. aku nda tau "deal" yang kami buat tu sampai bila. mungkin ini la dikatakan cinta itu buta.

aku nda boleh nangis lagi lepas ni. aku mau jadi seorg yang kuat. aku nda mau org tgk aku ni seorg yg lemah.

so, what's up with the title?

hehe. ini pun 1 hal yang buat aku terkilan sedikit la. dis seorang perempuan yang alim. bersekolah d universiti islam antarabangsa selangor tapi boleh jatuh cinta dengan prempuan. hehe. apa makna la dia sekolah di situ kalau boleh terlibat dengan kes bgni. klu dia seorg yg sosial. fine. aku trima. but she's not. dia pakai tudung lagi. kuat agama lagi. aku nda tau la apa yang ada d benak otak insan seperti dia.

hehe. tapi aku redha kan saja semua yang berlaku. mungkin ada hikmah disebaliknya. dan aku harap 1 hari dia akan sedar.

surrender

aku nda tau lagi apa mau cakap.

semalam lain. hari ni lain.

kalau sudah ada orang lain cakap.

jadi aku nda perlu berharap dekat ko lagi.

aku nda perlu betapuk dari ko utk nangis.

ko nda perlu risau kalau ko mau berhubung sama sepa pun.

ko nda perlu bagi tapuk dekat siapa2 lagi.

aku betul2 rasa macam bodoh dan memang diboodohkan pun.

apa yang ko sembunyikan dari aku lagi?

kalau ko sudah ada orang lain, ko terus terang

aku akan terima.

tapi aku nda perlu cakap apa2 lagi sekarang

aku betul2 surrender sda.

aku penat untuk begaduh lagi

mungkin ko sudah ada hidup mu

jadi aku nda akan ganggu ko lagi lepas ni

sememangnya diri aku rindu dekat kau

tapi aku nda tau la

aku rasa ko nda perlu diri aku

aku sedar semua kesalahan aku

dan aku minta maaf la

semoga lepas ni ko bahagia tanpa aku

12.11.11

i'm not sure right now my sensitivity is not under control.

but actually, i'm not.

the fact is. you are the one that make me feel it. you make feel i'm very sensitive.

do you realize what you have done?

and i was wondering plus get confuse my mind

and a bit frust.

how i'm gonna trust you if the way you act is weird?

i stand so that i will not cry in front of you.

i act that i'm not sensitive.

i act i'm not moody.

you said to me you can't see people moody because you will get connected,

okay the fine

i'am trying dear but please the way you act that you should not do in front of me

what you would like to say after this? is under the control of the "stuff"?

fuck off.

i'm not stupid. i'm not too stupid

don't make me change my mind again and again

don't make me get confuse every day

i can't stand not to cry if my heart would like too

please, i'm begging you

the end of 11.11.11

actually i have not decided anything. i can't decide yet. and plus i'm speechless. i'm down. totally down. today is the down day for me. how i miss you my dear. the old you. not the new you.

you know how broken my heart is? i don't want to go and just leave you like this. but what can i do? i can't stand to long to wait for your changed to the old one. i'm serious. i miss you. damn much. i miss everything about you. from the start until the end.

i don't even know actually what is going in my life. i mean my self. which is i'm too sensitive. i can't control my anger. i can't control my mind. i can't control everything. every second every minutes. i know you can't help me to control. even though i hope you can help in every single with my sensitivity.

i miss you. i have not finish with you. i still want with you. but what do i get? with my high sensitivity i lost everything. i can't stop to say that i miss you. but i have to. i have to go. i have to go far away. so that, you wont stress with me.

i know a lot of stuff you have to think. so i don't want you feel the stress about me. make it clear. we done here. we done everything on the 11.11.11. crying together. singing together. eating together. at the end. it will never happen again right? we cannot done it together.

after this you have your own life. and me too. i wish the best luck for you.

and yes the tears accompany me now while you were sleeping. i don't want to see the way you sleep. if i saw it, i would like to join. i have to stay away from it. i know i can't. but i have to.

i record some part you sing my "lagu kegemaran" that cum to our favorite song. but i can't listen to it now.

i'm done. i don't know what to say. the only thing i can say is i miss you so much

i have nothing

i have nothing to inside my nerve. i lost. i'm not tough enough.

i'm speechless. you have create a memory for me today. 11.11.11

i still remember your text that you send to me

on the 08/11/2011 9.21pm

'syg. 1 ja dear minta. trima dear seadanya. daniel tda sdh. up2u want to believe me or not'

i trust you until 6am today. but what did happen? daniel come back.

and easy for you to say it's daniel not me. 4am in the morning. looked on her facebook?

what should i say? nothing. i have nothing left.

u don't have to say anything to me. our relationship is done. done on the 11.11.11.

come back as a daniel. nice to know. u r in love actually. how sweet of you.

am i wrong? is this my fault again?

enough

11.11.11 is the best memory for me from you.

today is the time

11.11.11 semua orang wish yang the best la. lucky lah. lucky bagi kamu tapi bagi aku sangat malang buat aku. aku nda tau apa lagi mau cakap. aku nda tau ada apa di hati aku. aku nda tau ada apa di jiwa aku. segala2nya aku nda tau.aku nangis sudah tadi dan sekarang aku mau nangis lagi.

aku wish kamu luck la utk hari ni. semoga kamu semua bahagia hari ni. semoga kamu gembira hari ni. semoga kamu puas hati. ya. ko post d wall mu 11.11.11 make some memory for it. yes you are!!! you bring back your danial maxwell in your life. ngam la ko punya memory. sangat hebat.

kalau ko mau tau. sebelum ni macam mana ko mau aku begitu juga la aku mau ko. macam mana ko kecewa terhadap perubahan aku begitu juga aku kecewa terhadap perubahan ko. macam mana ko rindu aku begitu juga la aku rindu ko. macam mana ko terasa kehilangan aku begitu juga la aku rasa kehilangan ko. macam mana ko harap kita bahagia begitu juga la aku harap kita bahagia. apa lagi?apa lagi? apa lagi?

ko cakap dia sudah tiada! tapi apa? hari ni 11.11.11. ko cakap dengan terang sekali itu "daniel" bukan "aku". hehe. terima kasih lah ko sedar kan aku dari angan2 aku yang terlebih tinggi. aku mengaku aku rasa apa yang ko rasa sekarang. aku harap ko puas hati. aku harap ko bangga apa yg ko cakap dekat aku pagi ni.

nampaknya hari ni last kita makan sama2. semuanya berakhir dengan sempurna di hari 11.11.11. tolong. aku mohon. aku merayu. jangan cakap aku yang tinggalkan kau. sedangkan ko yang buat aku begini membuatkan aku untuk kasi tinggal ko. aku minta maaf la kalau sebelum ni aku sudah buat ko merana. tapi ko seharusnya berpuas hati pasal aku sudah rasa apa ko rasa sekarang. segala sakit. segala kecewa. segala kesedihan. segala harapan yang berkecai. segala angan2 yg hanya tinggal kenangan. ini kan yg ko mau aku rasa? ok! fine.

aku undur diri. terus kan la hidup sebagai watak mu yang lagi 1 yang lebih membahagiakan diri mu. aku ingat ko kesepian sepanjang ketiadaan aku. rupanya ko sudah ada pengganti aku d alam yg lagi 1. haha. angau kan ko? pukul 4pagi pigi buka fb nya. rindu ka mau b'msg sma dia? haha. mari ba mari aku reload kn ko supaya ko dapat p meraih cinta ko balik dekat dia. haha. amira and daniel. kamu la yang terbaik ba dalam segala aspek. terutama ko daniel.

sekian!

11.11.11

hari ni d pagi yang indah. jam6 pagi keluar makan with narutto mazlan. mee goreng mamak menjadi sarapan pagi. sama teh c special lagi.

n hari ni 11.11.11 sepatutnya menjadi satu hari yang bermakna buat siapa2 yang pandai menghargai apa ka erti kenangan. macam aku, aku tau la. nda tau la orang lain macam mana.

skrg ni aku nda tau la knp aku lain sikit. cepat marah. sensitive. cepat untuk nangis. banyak lah. tekanan jiwa kali. kalau aku gila 1 hari nanti. faham2 la kamu ah.

aku nda sure la aku ni tgh syok sendiri ka apa ka. aku keliru. yang teramat keliru. jiwa aku nda tenteram. sebagaimana yang aku mau dr dia. tapi semua nda kena.

"ku hidup dengan siapa. ku x tahu kau siapa. kau kekasih ku tapi orang lain bagi ku. kau dengan diri mu saja. kau dengan dunia mu saja. teruskanlah teruskanlah kau begitu"

1 stanza song that really into me just for you. hope u know how i feel through this day. the way u treat me. u not like before. i dont even know who you are. i'm a little bit confuse. and yes its confusing me which is what do i hope its not really i get.

i'm feel tired to facing ur changes this few days. last night i take a deep breath. and im crying think about it. mostly thinking about you. do you know that? do you feel that? do you have sixth sense through me?

honestly you changed alot. how am i gonna follow ur flow? its not easy.

i hope 1 day you will understand how i want you back in my life. the real you. not the new of you. i'm totally down. totally sad. my tears just for you.

the test

i think about 5 months i didn't update my blog. and now is the time. 1st of all congrats for my eldest sister kenny thomas for the new baby and also the thomas family gang. and her name aclycia harmony. nice name :)

so,the test the test the tets. the challenge and everything that ruin my life. dan diatas kebodohan sendiri kepaluian sendiri akhirnya kau tewas juga. ini ka org bilang hukum karma? hukum segala hukum! sepandai2 tupai melompat akhirnya jatuh juga ke tanah. thats me. what else i can do now?? just wait the time is coming and i have to settle it by myself. but im glad to have nana and also shimira that always give me support for everything.

kalau dorg teda. for sure aku sda ntah di mana skrg ni. hari ni ialah hari ke12. hari yg semakin hari semakin buat aku untuk mengalah dalam segala hal. itu ini buat aku runsing. apa patut aku buat? aku nda mau kecewakan siapa2 lagi. cukup la sda. tapi aku nda sanggup tanggung sendiri.

seandainya kamu tau apa yg terjadi dkt aku skrg. aku nda tau kamu akan terima. aku tau kamu mmg akan kecewa. tapi aku mengaku kesilapan aku. aku sda minta petunjuk dari tuhan apa yg aku patut buat. tapi aku belum dapat petunjuk tu lagi. jangan ingat semua ni senang sja untuk aku lalui sendiri.

dari A sampai Z aku nda tau apa mau buat. mana 1 yg patut aku pilih.mana 1 keputusan yang aku patut ambil. aku betul2 bingung! banyak2 masalah aku, kali ni masalah aku yg betul2 mencabar segala iman dan batin aku. aku berada dijalan yang buntu. seandainya aku boleh undur masa. aku sangat2 mau undur masa!!!!!

ya tuhan bagi la aku petunjuk. bagi la aku petunjuk mana yang patut aku ambil. aku penat sda menangis dengan kesilapan aku. aku tau ini kesilapan aku yang paling besar. tapi kenapa hukum aku sampai begini?

i'am speechless

Winnie Kuntip - Ralan Dii Otopot.flv

*sigh*

so small the picture (",) do you think i'm doing the right decision? can someone help me to answer that? i don't know other's will answer "yes" or "no". i was thinking. but, for myself 50-50. 50% i feel so guilty. another 50% i'm feel so stupid. actually, positive thinking my decision is the best. but, how about the other? i'm telling you, it's not easy to let this thing happen you know. i just force myself. and letting you to know that actually i'm missing you. but, what can i do? i don't want feel the pain for many times like what did happen between us. both of us ever did something wrong. me and you. i can't lie anymore. i'm really sorry for all what i have done to you. like people said, no one in this world never ever have a mistake in their life. and i agree with that. and i know, u always said that to me when we fighting. i know it's not easy for you. am i right? what did i told you? just try our best to let this thing happen. last night, i cry a lot. and i sleep at 5.00am. i'm crying like someone is dying u know. crying and thinking why u have change a lot. i know, i'm not good in English but i do love to try. i don't even know, when u will read this post. i just wanted you to know. that, what did i do now is the best for the both of us. let just be a friend. so, between us will never hurt each other. u know like the song that i told you? by Kotak? i love that song. and the song especially for you. let's just forget about us and start with a new life. i know you can do it. and so do i. i will try my best. try to start a new life. start a new goal. and, what i really want to say is. i will not find a person that so kind like you. it's hard to find in this world that same as you. i know that very well. and sincerely, i'am afraid to start this new life without you. but what can i do? this is the best for us. i need to force myself. if not i will stuck with all the pain and scars in my life. i hope u get what i mean. and what did i do is not to make you hurt. but, i know you can think by urself about this. from the bottom of my heart. i'm really sorry. (",)

UNDECIDED ('')

now is april 19th 2011. bila di hitung2 nda lama lagi mau habis study. but not fully finished lah. mau praktikal about 3 months. if u giys still rememebr, my previous post about the karambunai resort. the 1st place that i choose for doing my practical. and now bila fikir2 sya sudah buat keputusan untuk buat practical d labuan. ada la juga hotel2 d labuan tu yang boleh dijadikan tempat practical. plus, my parents di sana juga kan. apa salahnya luangkan masa sekejap. apalagi skrg beban dorg bertambah.

my title is "undecided" kan... mmg still undecided...masih dalam fikiran lagi dimana mau buat practical lah...itu lah ini lah...sudahlah sekarang tu epf punya masalah belum selesai..bila la mau selesai ni?....nanati syok2 sya practical d sana juga kena panggil ambil test la ambil exam lah...haish!!! fed up tahap gaban yang teramat!!!

bukan tu sja tau...sudah lah broadband digi sya tu dari last year nda bayar...boleh2 sya kena call kena taggih bayar secepat yang mungkin...rm200 lah cincai kira...kalau sya tidak bayar nama sya kena black list lah apa la...tindakan undang2 lah..mcm shit2 sja...nda boleh ka bagi org peluang sekejap...

stress tahap maksima sudah sya ni...di mana assigment lagi yg mau disiapkan yang secepat yang mungkin...semua lah bha kan mau secepat yang mungkin...tidak boleh ka bagi masa yang lagi panjang? arrgghh!!!

ini sja lah sya boleh tulis...kalau banyak2 sya tulis mau meletup sda ni laptop...hahaha...

adios!!!

tindik telinga?..

yesterday after dance competition at UMS.. me, lyoni, rozana, 2 junior and our lecturer going to donggongon... ever heard mega long?.. going to karaoke..rm1 for 1 song..not bad lah actually..just the sound system..and "somethings" is going on..don't want to mention here...

then..bagus2 gila nda datang..datang balik pla mau tindik2 telinga..supaya rasa sakit..n mau rasa nangis..klu banyak duit sya time tu..sya mau tindik bnyk2 d telinga..baru la...hahaha....

susah betul kan kalau ada perasaan mcm ni..stress..bikin org jadi gila...and bikin panas...and mcm mau tampar2 sja tu org..mcm nda pndai sedar pla yg ko tu tengah menyakitkan hati org?...ko mau sya buat yg mcm ko buat?.. mau ko rasa apa sya rasa? mau?

mmg ko nda akan faham...mmg ko fikir hal tu tiada pa2 buat ko..tapi buat sy mcm mna? fikir lah...thanx a lot!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

just found some nice song~"just"!

today is 1st april 2011 and it's friday :) happy friday guys!! and also happy April fool. and today suppose to be sy nda akan kena april fool. but what happen? haha. my house mate punya phone ada message. and it's annoying. so, sy pigi la buka and read. message tu mmg bkn utk sy, tp sda tebuka. baca sja lah. :p message tu dari number yang tdk d kenali and message itu mengatakan ada orang meninggal, dan kebetulan prempuan tu sya kenal. 1st mmg tekejut lah. then paling bawah "lu kena beb"! it's april fool. mmg fool. then my house mate still sleeping kan. mau dia pun tekejut. haha. kasi baca la dia tapi sy cepat2 tutup mata pakai towel sy supaya nda ketawa. haha! kena juga. then yang selebihnya dia punya hal lah mau kasi kena tu prempuan. haha. :)

next, my title is just found some nice song. 5 nice song. 2 songs from "avril lavigne". 'forgotten' and 'knockin on heavens door'. and 3 songs from "kotak". the indonesian singer. and it's a "just"! i just found the song yang mmg nice lah bah kan org bilang. and tau d mana tu lagu sy jumpa? IN MY PHONE!!!! punya lah bha kan bengong. i bring my house mate pigi karaoke bha ni. tapi dia tia mau. so duduk d rumah sja lah. mau buat cleaning service d rumah. :) itu pun tengok lah kalau kerajinan tu datang.

i want to post the 5 songs lyrics here. :) so, let's enjoy yaw. :)

~avril lavigne-forgotten~

Ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah

I'm giving up on everything

Because you messed me up

Don't know how much you

Screwed it up

You never listened

That's just too bad

Because I'm moving on

I won't forget

You were the one that was wrong

I know I need to step up and be strong

Don't patronize me

Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

[Chorus:]

Have you forgotten

Everything that I wanted

Do you forget it now

You never got It

Do you get it now

Yea yea yea yea yea

Yea yea yea yea yea

Ah ah ah ah

Ah ah ah ah

Gotta get away

There's no point in thinking about yesterday

It's too late now

It won't ever be the same

We're so different now

Yea yea yea yea yea

[Chorus]

I know I wanna run away

I know I wanna run away

Run away

If only I could run away

If only I could run away

Run away

I told you what i wanted I

I told you what i wanted

What I wanted

But I was forgotten

I won't be forgotten

Never Again

[Chorus (2x)]

Forgotten

Yeah yeah yeah

Forgotten

Yeah yeah yeah

Forgotten

Yeah yeah yeah

Forgotten

Yeah yeah yeah

~kotak-mencintai ku dan dia~

• Tanpa aku sadari

  Apa yang telah ku beri

  Tanpa aku mengerti

  Hingga kau lumpuhkan hati

  
  

  Takdirkah semua ini

  Akhir sesal dihati

  Tak bisa aku pergi

  Meski kau tak ku miliki

  
  

  Ku puja, ku damba

  Yang ku rasa

  
  

  Reff

  Ku tahu aku yang kedua

  Mungkin kah ku yang utama

  Ku tahu kau pun mencinta

  Ku dan dia

  
  

  Takdirkah semua ini

  Akhir sesal dihati

  Tak bisa aku pergi

  Meski kau tak kumiliki

~avril lavigne-knockin on heavens door~

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah

Momma take this badge off of me
I can't use it anymore
It's getting dark, too dark to see
Feel I'm knockin' on Heaven's door

Knock knock knockin' on Heaven's door
Knock knock knockin' on Heaven's door
Knock knock knockin' on Heaven's door
Knock knock knockin' on Heaven's door

Momma put my guns in the ground
I can't shoot them anymore
That long black cloud is coming down
I feel like I'm knockin' on Heaven's door

Knock knock knockin' on Heaven's door
Knock knock knockin' on Heaven's door
Knock knock knockin' on Heaven's door, yeah yeah
Knock knock knockin' on Heaven's door

Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah
Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh
Yeah, yeah, yeah

~kotak-masih cinta~

Tik tik tik waktu berdetik
Tak mungkin bisa kuhentikan
Maumu jadi mauku
Pahit pun itu ku tersenyum

Kamu tak tahu rasanya hatiku
Saat berhadapan kamu

Tik tik tik air mataku
Biar terjatuh dalam hati
Mauku tak penting lagi
Biar kubuat bahagiamu

Kamu tak tahu rasanya hatiku
Saat berhadapan kamu
Kamu tak bisa bayangkan rasanya
Jadi diriku yang masih cinta

Kamu tak tahu hancurnya hatiku
Saat berhadapan kamu
Kamu tak bisa bayangkan rasanya
Jadi diriku yang masih cinta

~kotak-pelan2 saja~

Ku tahu kamu pasti rasa
Apa yang ku rasa
Ku tahu cepat atau lambat
Kamu kan mengerti

Hati bila dipaksakan
Pasti takkan baik
Pantasnya kamu mencintai
Yang juga cintai dirimu
Cuma kamu

Reff:
Lepaskanlah ikatanmu dengan aku
Biar kamu senang
Bila berat melupakan aku
Pelan-pelan saja

Tak ada niat menyakiti
Inilah hatiku
Pantasnya kamu mencintai
Yang juga cintai dirimu
Cuma kamu

Back to Reff

Pelan-pelan saja

Back to Reff

Pelan-pelan saja
(Lepaskan aku, lepaskan aku, lepaskan aku)
Pelan-pelan saja

alright....there you go..all the lyrics i found at diffrent website...nice song..go and listen..it's an order..hehe..tidak bha..all the 5 song i do love..yang paling2 sy suka..lagu from kotak.."mencintaiku dan dia".. :)

d

feel so free..

now in my college..
kinabalu commercial college..
online using my friend laptop..
i forgot to bring my lap..
so, terpaksa la pinjam my friend punya..

just now sy sudah hantar my assignment..
cultural awareness and principles of marketing..
semua pun broken english..
plus sincerely ada lah ckit2 copy paste from internet..
terpaksa copy paste..
pasal tia tau apa2 pasal tu benda..
bida kan copy paste..
tapi apa boleh buat..
balik2 postpone mau hantar..

feel so free a lil bit..
nda banyak..
ckit saja.. :(
masih banyak lagi yang mau diurus!

tapi org bilang atleast adalah kurang ckit tekanan jiwa yang datang melanda..
itu saja lah yang boleh d cakap untuk post ini..
apa2 pun yang menyenangkan hati..makin lama makin gembira hati ni.. :)

busy week? busy day? *sigh*

hmm..there's a lot of "thing" to "think" this week..such as my assignment yang telah d postpone bertahun lamanya..start masuk college..skrg bila ada problem..baru lah mau sibuk2 buat..stress yang teramat!! apa boleh buat lah kan orang bilang "dah nasib badan"..

sangat stress betul lah!! macam aku mau teriak sekuat hati sama terjun dari bangunan..tapi lepas terjun tu harap hidup juga balik la..supaya diberi masa lagi untuk postpone assignment.. ^^

buat masa ni aku ada 2 assignment yang harus dan harus dibuat dengan cepat sekali..pasal aku kena hantar semua tu untuk membuatkan transcript aku jadi lawa..dan supaya EPF loan berjaya..tapi sekarang ni jiwa aku tengah kacau..mana mau buat assignment yang itu lah yang ini lah..heih..adakah orang yang boleh tolong buatkan assignment aku..tapi aku nda bayar lah..aku belanja makan saja..

tapi kalau aku buat gtu mesti orang cakap aku ni nda layak dapat diploma kan?..haha.. :p kidding lah..nda juga aku bodoh mau suruh orang buatkan aku punya assignment..mmm..

ok lah tu sja aku mau tulis..mau kasi rehat tangan untuk type assignment aku yang lain..adios..may god bless you all!

P/S: kesimpulan daripada cerita ini jangan tangguh2 kerja!

i just can say that............

my last post on fb is "i just can't wait to start work and have my own money. plus, i can't wait to give my mom and dad money. any oh you guys feel what i feel right now at this time?

it's ain't easy actually to tell my feeling about this..but..i don't have anyone..not lah don't have anyone sebenarnya..but tiada orang yang sesuai yang saya mau share about this stuff..

but..what can i do..just really appreciate whoever yang create this blogger.com..

enough with all that..continue about my 1st speech..haha...speech kunun..lol..

at this time kan...i really feel that i want to quit my study..and start finding works that the salary yang orang bilang enough for myself also for my parents..

when i think back and count the money that my parents give to me..sangat lah banyak..i think more than 100k..tapi..hmm...nd tau la apa mau cakap..d facebook pun saya sudah meluahkan about this..on my last post..

owh ya..and 1 more thing..nda lah payah mau cari kerja lagi..actually ada sudah tempat kerja yang sesuai dengan apa yang study sekarang ni..mm..yala..tourism..

at karambunai resort..1st i decide to kerja under front office..but..i dislike wearing a mini skirt..actually..that's not the point juga..itu 1 of them...the rest..i guess not important lah to mentioned it here..

so now, i already decide to work at karambunai under sports..according from my friend that already work there for a few months..working under sports is more fun and enjoy..hehe..belum lagi buat resume sudah mau angan2..

"datuk siti nurhaliza berkata setiap orang harus ada angan-angan, kerana angan-angan itu akan membuatkan dalam diri seseorang itu akan ada daya usaha"..that's right siti..

so, this is my post that i think yang paling lah dapat meluahkan segalanya.. :)

feel more better now than yesterday i guess..

1 more time..i just can't wait to start work and have my own money. plus, can't wait to give money to my mom and dad..

~that's all for this post~



LOCATION: at kampung kopungit (polo & sze house)

ADIOS~

The cat's~

haha..my cat not the brown ah..itu c nana punya..mine yang kaki dia warna putih tu..her name lazenda.

this is my cat. her name wenty.

after a long time tidak dapat on9 using my laptop. akhirnya hari ni dapat pun on9. i wanna say thanx alot to my college. kinabalu commercial college that give us facilities like this, i mean ALL CLASSROOMS ARE POWERED WITH WIFI. and setelah sekian lamanya dapat juga aku update my blog/dear diary. sangat stress nda dapat update blog. cos. tiada tempat untuk luahkan kemarahan dan segalanya.

enough with the introduction. my title is the cat's. i love cat. and always be. when u guys look properly at the picture. they are 8 of them. 2 boys and the other is girl. actually all the cats in the picture is not mine. my friend punya (nana). and mine punya 2 sja. and 1 more is nana punya anty punya.

actually, nda banyak pun mau cakap. just wanted to tell about my cats and my friend cats and how we love them as our kids. boleh jadi cat women sda ni. haha. ok la. that's all for my post. see ya on the next post which is i don't know when.

wish, wish & keep wishing on a shooting star!

haha..angan2..wishing on a shooting star kunun..shooting start selama 19 tahun aku hidup belum lagi aku pernah nampak..tapi 1 of my friend ada pigi naik gunung kinabalu pernah nampak and wishing for something..mmm..bila la aku mau p naik gunung and wish dkt shooting start ah? i wish to be the rich girl in this world...

hehe..lawak..raja lawak...tema dorg hari ni.."kalau aku kaya"...hehe...baru la aku terfikir utk wish kepada shooting star untuk menjadi kaya...bahlol! angan2 tinggi tapi usaha sebesar tahi hidung pun nda lepas...this what we call life..right?

anyway..hari ni ada 1 hal yg bikin panas..tapi apakah itu malas pula mau mention dlm ni..cuma dpt bagi hint..."with pleasure tapi nda kasi jadi"..bikin panas..tapi pa blh buat la..lain kali sa nda peduli sda ko..biar la ko sna lugai2..klu nda mau ckp trus trang...ini bagi alasan bodoh..

Take care of a kid and planning wanna bring the kid to somewhere she or he not supposed to be? mmm..ngam...pa jenis org ko ni? heih...klu aku nda kesian sma ko..peduli la ko sna..smpai juga ni tangan..tapi memandangkan rasa kesian dlm diri ni tggi..malas sda aku mau tampar2 org..puas sda menampar.. *sigh*

then 1 more thing yg bikin panas lagi dlm minggu ini ialah : org office d college aku cakap..dorg call mumy aku and bgtau psl college fee yg tertunggak..then time dorg call mumy aku tu..mumy aku ckp..dia ada kirim duit utk bayar yuran..then aku nda puas hati..i call my mom and she said that "ur college didn't call me".."i didn't receive any call from ur school"..

mmm..kurang ajar betul..sepa la yg buat crita ni ah..ingat aku mcm student lain yang kamu sendiri tau tu prempuan kena bagi duit tapi p pakai untuk enjoy...kalau mmg parents aku bank in duit utk bayar yuran..mmg aku bayar..kalau aku dpt tau sepa yg buat crita..siap ko sna..

tomorrow masa untuk enjoy with the college friends..seronoknya dpt main water sport yang kira murah..impian tercapai juga..apa2 pun masih banyak angan2 aku yg belum tercapai..tapi aku harap masa aku 21 tahun nnti..aku dpt capai semua tu..contohnya..get handphone baru..maybe iphone..ambil lesen kereta..get my own car..kelisa pun jadi lah..banyak angan2 yg tinggi tapi entah tercapai ka nda masa aku berumur 21 tahun..apa2 pun..org slalu ckp..i will try my best..i do what i can... :)

i think that's all i want to write my little diary..adios!

there's a lot of thing i wanted to write :)

i didn't count how many days saya tidak update blog. there are some reason. no broadand available now. i mean mine. bill tertunggak entah berapa bulan lah sudah. don't want to think about it. ehich is sangat menyakitkan kepala. *sigh*

sebenarnya...memang banyak saya mau tulis...a lot!! tapi...rasanya lah kan....aku ni ada penyakit.. amnesia kunun...ekekeke...perasan...sebelum amnesia...lung canser yang datang dulu...

mmm...banyak yang aku mau cakap...tapi lupa suda....apa2 pun...perkara penting yang aku cakap...ialah... "smoking"... 1 tahun sudah usia aku merokok... hari ni... percubann kedua aku untuk tidak merokok...tapi... iman aku sangat la inda kuat...awal pagi bangun...lepas mandi get ready mau p class...mau jua cari rokok...heih...mati lah aku nda lama...

mcm mana ah? ada cara lain lagi ka?.. actually mmg ada...makan ubat...yang harga ratus2!!! bongok!! kenapa la tukang buat ubat tu dan tukang jual ubat tu nda kasi murah saja ubat yang org bilang membantu sesiapa saja yang mau berhenti merokok...kan senang?

aku rasa lah kan..kalau harga ubat tu nda mahal...aku beli..dan dalam masa sebulan or 2 bulan..dapat sudah stop..ini? payah2!

lagi la..."GOV" ni pun satu juga...kenapa lah nda berhenti menjual rokok? harga naik macam mana sekalipun...orang masih sanggup beli...pasal sudah namanya ketagih... kalau mmg tidak di jual sudah rokok tu...orang pasti akan dapat berhenti secara pelahan! mmm...kepada pihak yang bertanggungjawab..please do something....

alright!

finish 1 topic. start the 2nd topic.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

actually....manada lagi 2nd topic...nda tau lah apa mau cakap lagi..tulah aku bilang...ada ckit penyakit...k lah..that's all for this post...

will update my blog when i have time...

lama sudh pula inda on9~

umm... lama sudah nda ber-blog...ber-fb dpt lah...tu pun pinjam phone my friend untuk on9...masing2 pun teda broadband sudh...ada broadband yg tda line...broadband aku pula...haha...kena terminate cos lama sda nda bayar...dari start pakai nda pandai bayar...

wakakaka...sorry digi... :p

well...lama sda nda on9...nothing special happen lah...hidup seperti biasa...tiada yang menarik...

sometimes lah ada yang down...btw...apa kan maksud "piss off" ni? hahah...

budu juga kalau kili2 pigi check dictionary...haha..

anyway...valentines is coming soon...few days ja tinggal..mmm...

will be continue...saja ja update blog...asalkan kamu tau aku masih hidup..ekeke...

daaaa....adios...meggi i dah kembangs dah...

blogging time :)

yeah...akhirnya dapat juga tulis blog...masa untuk meluahkan segalanya... nda la semuanya... sesetengah...

it's all about last night... besala kan remaja... enjoy ja dalam otak... tapi enjoy pun ada had bha org bilang... so.. me and my friends... 5 of us... kami pigi club baru d mega long.. around jam12 lah gtu... malam... oh ya lupa... nama club tu... Vertigo... mmg smart la tempat tu... n 1 thing mmg tempat tu tempat baru... so.. belum lagi banyak org... belum brapa happening lg... so.. my fren order 2 jug beer... actually mmg i want to drink but....

........ada 1 prempuan ni...actually bari jadi kawan...dia study d politeknik.. kk... dia ni yang mmg kuat bertrip... eksyen lah... so... last night betul2 buat aku panas...yang mcm aku mau hantam dia brabis ni... tapi.. heih... 1st time bha kami pigi vertigo tu... klu inda mmg sampai tangan aku p tmpt dia...

tau apa dia cakap sama aku sama kawan aku?... "eh..nanti kita main gula2 ah"... tau apa tu gula2?.. pil ectasy.. nda tau la ejaan yang betul mcm tu... alamak... aku bilang... sakit hati aku dengar dia cakap bgtu... betul2 lah yang salah org bha dia bawa aku makan benda mcm tu... bukan mau cakap apa lah... sudah lah islam... bawa org main benda tu... minum alcohol lain cerita... isap rokok lain cerita lah...

eh... aku mmg mau enjoy mlm tu... tapi oleh krana dia shit... hilang mood trus... mmg malas aku layan org bgtu...

cerita hari ni pula... smlm mmg bertempiaran lah rumah... mcm tempat pembuangan sampah... kami 5 org...jadi dalam jam10 kali tu..pagi...2 org kwn kami ni jalan...aku tidur dlm bilik... so...yang prempuan bitch ni.. student poli kunun... d luar.. on9... astaga... sudah nampak rumah samak bgtu,.. cuba la jangan berat pantat!!! tolong lah bha kemas rumah!! ingat aku ni org gaji ka? heih... aku betul2 menyesal la p berkawan sama dia... sangat menyesal... aku buat semua kerja... dia duduk tgk tv..

mungkin dia dengar kreta kwn aku sudah smpai... tau pa dia buat?... dia cepat2 p dapur.. buat kerja kunun... tulung kwn aku yang lagi 1 tu buat kerja... astaga... yang pura2 rajin kunun ni... punya sial... heih... betul2 kali ni kan... last lah sudah aku mau jumpa dia... tda sudah aku mau bawa dia keluar... sudah la sweater bebau!!! mcm nda becuci betahun!! dia simpan d bilik... sampai bebau bha bilik tu.. edeh,.. sabar ja la... knp la kwn aku buduh sangat masih mau mengharap sma prempuan mcm tu ah?...

pelik tapi benar!!! menyesal aku!!

2011 is wonderful actually~

today i will follow my friend to her Futsal team member picnic...

before this i tot that in 2011 after "something" yang tidak diingini berlaku... semua akan berubah... and yes... sometimes mmg weirdo... but... this few days... bila kenal dengan org2 baru...kwn2 baru.. it's was fun... i'm so happy dengan keadaan sekarang... tambah banyak kawan... but... before this ada kwn baru tapi nda boleh get along dengan dia pasal dia sangat triping habis... about the "kaki penguin" in my last post...

yesterday... my friend (nana)... her friend (jenny)... minta kawan pigi ujibakat af and at the same time dia teda transport... so... saya pun mau tengok keadaan ujibakat af sebenar... pigi la kami ni... and the best thing is.... me and jenny just know each other less than 1 month ohh... but yang mcm sudah lama kenal... and masa jenny fill up the af form... ada kena tanya 2 orang kawan baik... kawan baik dia yang number 1... mmg lama sda dorg berkawan... and kawan baik yang number 2... mmm... sya pun nda sangka la dia simpan nama sya as her good friend...

make me smile the whole day actually... tulah namanya kehidupan baru... umur dia 26th... umur kawan dia lagi 1 yang kami sudah mula untuk rapat if i'm not mistaken 30... mungkin lah... syok dapat kenal orang baru... apa lagi yang pure dusun.. bha.. ngam la...

okok... enough with the story of yesterday...

next... today... i woke up early around 7am... bah... macam biasalah... smoking dulu then buat la kerja... my friend still sleeping... nana and adib... then after smoking mmg akan pndai jadi rajin... so... mmg my plan untuk jadi rajin...so kemas la rumah... vacum apa semua...

nda senang mata ni bila tengok rumah samak... then around 9 i will get ready to go to the market cos mau beli chicken wings,... for the picnic.. and... siap la ko nana... ko tia mau bangun... air sejuk la ko rasa ni kali... hahahahahhaha..... devil...

mmm... before 1 end my bicara ini... i just want to say that 2011 mimang best!!!!!!! don't ruin it ah....sepa2 yang cuba untuk musnah kan hari gembira ini... sa pijak kaki ko... paduli ko... hahaha...

ok la... actually my meggie sudah kembang baini... adios!

bangsat!!!

umm... it's monday... suppose to be in the class now... but... i had a migraine yang sangat teruk... my medicine pun habis sudah... i'm not in the good mood too... because of something...

last night... got someone say that my kaki is kaki penguin... cos big and size kasut 7' or 8'... ni perempuan kan... ada saja dia mau kasi sakit hati aku... aku nda faham apa dia cakap... dia kasi ketawa... betul2 bikin panas...

dia cuma tau mau judge aku... aku ni gini2 lah... bla bla and bla... sudah lah kuat merokok... start merokok kunun start form2... tapi perangai merokok bukan mcm sudah lama smoking... know why i say that?.. klu org yg sudah lama merokok akan control smoking... tapi dia... dalam 15 minit... mau 3 batang rokok... WTF?

dia cakap kaki aku kaki penguin... haha... dia nda sedar ka hidung dia actually mcm mau hidung babi... heran... ada juga orang mau sama dia... sudah lah tripping habis... alahai... ada juga prempuan mcm ni zaman 2011 ni ah?... kesian betul sama ko ni... nasib la kesian sama kwn aku yg d labuan... klu bkn psl dia yg minta tolong mau couple sma ko... eee... amit2 deh.... kenal ko pun aku nda mau... kin panas ja perangai....

heran lah... kenapa ah mulut bila bercakap nda fikir dulu?... main lepas sja... bila sudah lepas dari mulut... hah... hati org yg terluka tu ko peduli ka?... aku tau la perangai ko ganas... ganas tpi nda bertempat bha ko ni...

1 thing... dia suka potong apa aku cakap... smlm... kmi d tg.aru beach... mkn mangga... actually aku sangat rasa masam dengan mangga tu... but... because of malas mau bercakap sama ko and dengar cerita ko yang macam nda betul tu... yang rekaan tu... baik lah aku layan mangga....

boring mau layan ko sebenarnya... tapi kesian... (kunun)... org ckp org pernah hantam tu budak... ko pun cakap ko pernah hantam tu budak... aku ckp aku pernah kena kejar polis pasal pukul org... ko pun cakap ko pernah kena kejar polis... org ckp itu... ko pun kunun ada cerita mcm tu... ish... kenapa ah ko ni?... ko macam mau cari nama saja.... di kk ni nda payah ko mau cari nama kunun dengan perangai ko yg berlagak samseng dan "clubbing" saja kunun kerja ko dulu...

bila aku cakap aku nda pernah mandi 1 minggu... astaga... ko pun kunun nda pernah mandi selama 3 hari... eeeee.... geram betul aku sama ko ni... kalau boleh... aku mau cancel ohh bawa ko tinggal sama kami dengan perangai ko mcm ni...

sudah nampak tu dapur bnyk yg nda bercuci... hello! tolong lah bha cuci... walaupun ko tu tetamu... jangan la berlagak sangat... kin panas betul perangai ko ni... bila ko tidur kan... aku tgk hidung ko kan... mcm babi ni... hahaha.... ko sedar ka nda tu?... ko cakap aku berguruh time tidur... ada ko sedar ko pun berguruh jua?... hahaha.... bangsat bha ko ni...

sekarang ni aku cuma tunggu masa dan pok silap ko saja... lepas tu... siap lah.... lama sudah tangan aku ni nda smpai p tempat org... sudah la perangai mcm biatch sasat... seluar bebau mcm setahun nda bercuci.... yuckkks!!! bari gali....

aku harap 1 hari berubah la perangai ko tu yang berlagak samseng.... kunun la puas sudah ko minum chivas dulu... hahaha.... rasa la ko minum chivas mcm minum kopi!!! wakakaka... org semua minum 1 go... kau? dui... kesian... minum mcm minum kopi... yang panas... jadi ko minum cikit2... hahha... actually ko pndai minum ka nda ah?... pelik aku tgk ko minum slow2 ni... nda kn la time clubbing pun ko minum mcm tu?.... shame on u la girl... hahaha.... perangai ko mmg nda lari mcm bangsat! berubah la ko sebelum tangan aku ni kasi ubah diri ko...

mau muntah pun ada ohh tgk ko.... kenapa la kaki aku kaki penguin?... ko lagi lah... dui... kesian... hidung babi... serupa lai... bangga aku ada kaki mcm ni... well... ikut kaki my father....

ehh... lupa... time tu prempuan ckp kaki aku kaki penguin... tau apa jawapan aku yang aku rasa aku puas hati?... aku cakap... "excuse me... besa lah... ikut kaki dady aku"... hahah... trus diam ah dia... then... 1 more thing... tau dia bjln mcm mana? bejalan mcm "v" tebalik... cuba kmu tulis "v" tu tebalik... begitu la kaki dia bejalan... alamak aku bilang... punya la control habis... trip berabis... ko ni kasi malu diri sendiri sja pula kan.... hahaha... apa2 pun... meggi saya sudah kembang! adios...

mix up~

it's Friday... and today i suppose to attend PENDIDIKAN MORAL in my college... but, because of last night tired playing the bubbles with my friend and my cats... i don't feel like want to go lah... probably next time then... plus... last minute got class on Friday... *sigh*... next week lah...

anyway... u guys know ka the bubbles? mmm... u know the air sabun kan?... then ada something untuk tiup the air sabun.. then keluar la tu bubble2... arrgghh... don't know how to explain lah pula... LOL...

well well... today me and my friend (nana) plan to go out... to town i mean... to buy her shirt for futsal tournament tomorrow... but.. someone is coming here... lewat sikit lah keluar ni... harap2 baju tu cepat di cari cos mau print the name on the shirt.... mmm...

i wake up early today... around 8.20am... and i clean up this house... vacuum and so on... and after this post... i'm gonna continue my work... clean up the yard ... the room... the toilet... and blah blah...

got something playing in my head right now... stress... if i clean up the house... kurang ckit the stress... so... sepa2 yg stress tu kan... bagus kemas rumah... relax trus tu... cos... when u feel tired... u don't have time to think the problems... that's my cara la untuk release tension sikit... bila penat... mau smoke... mau tidur... minum cold water... then ampai pantat d sofa.. ok bha tu...

mmm... my friend (nana) punya cats... sudah beranak.. and dia (chulo) selamat melahirkan... and dia ada 3 anak... apa la kabar dia?... is she okay?...

think about the past memang feel like wanna cry... but... what for kan mau fikir yg sudah berlalu... let's just start with the new life... the new journey...

mmm... last wednesday... me and my friend... (sze)... panas sama "someone" in our class... mmm... no need to tell her name lah kan here... and dia suru aku yang talk to the girl yang buat dia panas ni... and request tampar dia... lama sda aku tidak tampar org ni... then... i go and talk with the girl... and there's no point for me to slap her... plus... kesian juga sama dia... nda sanggup mau tampar... so... the problem settle nicely without slap her... :p

2010 december... i take care of my niece in KL... still remember my previous post about them?.. yeah... luke and melody... i miss them alot... especially... LUKE... cos... don't know how to say... dia suka main mata... hahaha... kuat nangis pun dia... :)

mmm... this coming febuary my parents will come to kk... holiday for CNY... at the same time... our friend from labuan also come to kk... to celebrate CNY here... so, i have to arrange my time so that i can spend time with my parents and also our friend... chivas... i'm waiting for u!!!

mmm.... this post memang mix up kan... bha... banyak yang mau d cakap... a lot... and i think sampai cni sja la my post... cos... i want to pee plus i want to clean up this house... weekend bah ni... :) daaaaaa.....

nexus karambunai? :)

whats up with the title?... nexus resort is in kota kinabalu... in sabah... the resort really far from town... but... the place is peace full.... well... less than 1 year i will finish my study in KCC... the good thing is our college ada program to take degree... for only a year... not 5 or 6 year... and the graduation day is in paris or KL... can choose either this 2 place... i wish to go to paris and graduate there...

the study cost me rm20,500... big amount yah... i still thinking bah... mau ambil ka tidak ka... and... nexus karambunai pula.... there's a job yang berkaitan with my diploma... Front Office...

???? study???? malas lah...

???? work???? ofcos... duit tu penting...

still thinking right now... will update my decision soon... :)

Giving Up is Not an Option :)

ummm... i love my title so much... i mean it... :)

actually... i get the words from a book... "the power of a praying woman"...

i am not sure from where i get the book... either from my sister... i kept the book for a long time... a year i guess... then i start read the book 2 days ago... yeah... when i locked myself in the bedroom because fighting with someone... i found the book in my bag... the bag i put all stuff that i don't feel want to use.. kinda "menyamak" kalau kasi keluar semua...

so, i grab the book... and i start reading... firstly memang boring... but... in chapter 1... make me want to read until the last page... sangat betul apa yang di cakap inside the book... fall in love with words... fall in love with the statement and so on... actually... i do planning want to share the whole things in my blogs... i mean with write the whole stuff and publish here... start with the introduction... and until the end of the book...

i just want to share the book of "the power of a praying woman" because... everythings the creator of the book write is true... everything... for sure you guys will in love with the book... maybe if you want to find the book at the book store is impossible... so... with pleasure i willing to type the whole things and share with you guys...

i will start typing on the 1st febuary... well... within this few days... i mean "january".. still many things to settle up... college and so on... so... kasi reda dulu semua hal tu.... then i will start...

so... you guys... just wait for it... i promise... u guys will love it... :)

it's sunday~

it's Sunday guys... and now at home with the "friend of the day"... i mean friend from Labuan... just arrive yesterday... plan wanna go clubbing... but... there's something happen... which is i don't feel want to share it here...

well... for this Sunday i feel so stress... there's a girl that make me hate her so much with her attitude... what kind of bitch huh? tulung la... kin panas... ko sepa ohh mau act mcm tu? nasib ko tu my fren pnya fren.. kalau inda... aku pijak2 muka ko sana... sudah dlm 1 rumah tulung la layan baik2 cikit... ini... senyum pun tidak... macam pantat ayam ja muka ko sana...

btw, i try to cool and relax dulu... pok silap... siap ko... tggu dan lihat sja... sabar sja lah... sudah la perangai mcm slut... eeewww! bari gali tu bana! panasnya hati... menyesal p ambil ko.... teda guna punya prempuan...

what ever it is... im hungry!!!

it's friday~

yeah... it's friday guys.. and i am totally happy cos i don't have class... i have enough time to rest and spend my time with my babies... wenty, lazenda & twen... nice huh... plus i teke my time to clean up the house... nothing much to kemas2 actually... ckit la...

actually.. plan mau bangun lambat cos no class kan... but... my housemate.. "nana"... talking with her friend on the phone and laugh to loud.. smpai lah nda dapat tidur nyenyak... terpaksa la segarkn mata... and bangun.. then i check my phone.. there's a miscall from my beloved dad... so, i call him back and he told me that he already bank in money for me to buy the text book... rm150.. i hope enough to get my text book and whatsoever lah...

and now is 11.39am... nana is still sleeping after "bergayut d fon".. and me? mau tidur balik pun nda dapat... so just now kemas2 rumah sikit... and i already take my breakfast... sosej 3 batang and drink 100 plus... hehehe.... self service... sepa lambat bangun... cari la makan sendiri... ekekeke... kidding.... :p

btw... i do have something to say here... i hate people yang sangat kuat "gossiping"... omg! nda tahan ni... everyday mesti ada saja gossip yang keluar dari someone... which is i don't want to share sepa orang tu di sini... sangat tidak sesuai... i tot... bila umur sudah meningkat... meningkat dewasa lah kn... i mean up to 20... jadi la matured.. but.. nda pula... adui... sakit otak bila dia sudah start mau bergossip... cuba la bergossip bila perlu... but... aarrrghhh! berubah lah yah! :/

mmm... i think thats all i want to write... nda tau pa mau ckp lg... just wanna say tat i want to forget all the bad memories that i have done before... yang lepas tu biar lah kan berlalu.. nda guna ingat2 lagi... buang masa,... just start the new life... and now... i do choose my own life... i am happy with my decision... :)

lalalalalalala~

ummm... lalalala.... i don't have any title for this post... so... i just put the "lalalala"... not important lah actually kan the title...

well, my purpose to write today... cos.. i am totally not in the mood cos thinking of something which is i don't want to share it here... sooooo... mmm... don't know what to say lah... just blogging to release my bad feelings about something... *sigh actually*

mmm... just wanna share something about the teenager... first time clubbing at tiara... "cheers pub"... drink chivas... which is... BLUEK! i don't like ohh... really... but... when the second glass... fulamak... mcm d heaven pula... hahaha.... first time clubbing mmg weird with the environment... but... i wish to clubbing again... hahaha... nakal pula jadinya...

anyway... my problem about the college fees is settle... "AY" u asshole! u just know how to ruin everything... bullshit... :/ thank to my sisters... K&K... (kenny and kerry)....

mmm... what make me sad now is... shit lah... i don't want to write... i just feel safe if i just keep in my heart... :)

thank god for give me another day untuk hidup... :p

i wanna cry!!!!!!

lambat pula masa berlalu... lambat juga masa tu berlalu.... makin banyak beban di kepala yang sangat tidak diingini buat masa sekarang... it's all about money.... it's all about college...

well... about college... about my school fee... ada yang tertunggak rm920... for 3 months punya... the officer said... they wont give me the letter for applying the next kwsp if fees yang tertunggak tu tidak dibayar... wth? ingat senang ka mau cari rm920 tu? i haven't tell my mom or my dad about this bad news... kesian dorg... nnti tambah runsing...

i'm planning work at my lecturer cafe... at asia city... starting at 6pm until 1am something... for rm400... i still thinking about it... boleh ka aku tahan penat tu ah? balik jam1... bangun p class at 6am... arrrggghhhh!!!!! macam mana ni.... i really hate this situation right now...

money for my text book... almost gila bila memikirkan semua ni... god please help me... someone please help me... i can't stand this anymore.... mau putus asa sudah ni... *sigh*

:)

ummm.. nothing so much to write actly... now d cyber with my fren... :p on9... bkn nda dpt on9 d rumah.. but ya la guna BB sja... sangat lambat...

hari ni sangat la tidak patut.. haha... sepatutnya hari ni ada class... but... oleh kerana semalam pigi karaoke and around 1am baru balik... then... tidur pun lambat ckit cos my "bungsu" tertinggal d labuan... mcm mana la boleh lupa.... shit!

sudah dalam keadaan mengantuk tahap dewa... alarm lagi mcm tai2 bunyi... terpksa bgn mau off alarm... then... aku bagu bangun my friend... boleh ka hari ni nda pigi class.. aku sangat mengantuk aku cakap... then dia cakap... nda... bangun lah... umm.. actualy mau bangun sudah... tapi mata tu betebiat nda mau terbuka... so... dengan tidak senang hati... aku pun tutup la mata dan teruskan tidur... haha... sampai la jam brapa aku tidur pun aku nda ingat.. hehe... :) nakal... but i do promise... tomorrow i will attend the class... know what... our class smpai 2.30pm... arrggghhh!!! gila dan gila.... nda boleh trima la class sangat lmbt habis... :(

anyway.... hari ni sekejap mood tu ok... sekejap mood tu down balik... i'm not sure why... mau marah sja.... mmm.... tia tau la mau cakap pa...

hari ni yang sangat menyenangkan hati ialah... aku jumpa kucing aku.... hahahhahaa...... buduh2..... i misssssss my cat so muchhhhhh!!! gigit hidung kmu nanti....

apa2 pun... i do hope SELEPAS INI JANGAN CARI PASAL SAMA AKU... aku tampar ko sana... :) kidding... actually... i mean it...

k la dear diary... that's all for today.... :)

do some good things to avoid from keboringans!!

i think this is my fourth post for the 4th january 2011... i think so... not really sure about it... :)

my previous post i told ya that i don't have anything true... but... actually it's untrue....

after i wake up from sleep... for sure lah not in the mood... rokok pun habis... so... i decide to take my shower... the pegi kedai runcit beli rokok... and yes... I've done that... :) then... after buy the cigarette balik lah rumah... grab some food to eat... then isap rokok... then... untuk buang boring...

i decide lah mau kemas rumah... and yes... i did that... i am so happy cos i done something great... i can lawan my feeling yg mau tidur saja...

i clean up my sister punya "study room"... actually no name for the room... so... i just bagi nama lah... hehe... :) i clean up the room... vacuum... and susun the whole things... susun the clothes nicely... semua lah... i just want to make my sister comfortable with the room... good job right!

thenn... after i clean up the room... i clean up the living room... vacuum... and mop... and also laundry... i've done the job between 4.30pm... :) a little bit tired actually... i really wanna sleep... but... masa tidak mengizinkan...

nasib lah ada "someone" yang layan me... if not... for sure tidur punya lah... :)

hehe..... anyway.. thats all i want to write... nothing so much to say... daaaaaa!!!

always right with my instinct~

hello diary of my whole life~ i am not sure post ni yang keberapa untuk 4th january 2011...

last night... was a terrible night for me... i can't sleep... and i can't think straight... haha.... kidding!

i spend the whole night that i can't sleep with watching movie... online... playing games... that's all...

and this morning... i'm totally bored... so boring... my sister already send her kids to the nanny... so, i don't have anything to do... online? boring... game? also same... sleep? not now... watching tv? arrgghhh! semua la boring...

nasib baik lah ada blog... mmm... lusa ni i'm going back to labuan... and planning with my friend to clubbing... ehem ehem... 1st time lah mau p clubbing... still thinking about it... :)

now is 1:43pm... lapar pun ada... kejap lagi mau masak telur mata lembu lahhh...

my stomach merajuk sudah mau makan.... :)

hmmm... ini la saja my post... daaaaa!

not in the good mood!!! *sigh*

hmm... now is at 4:04am... and 4th january 2011... ngam lah... 4:04 sama dengan 4 haribulan... mati mati mati... mood yg inda menentu... dan perasaan marah yang teramat sangat... nda tau kenapa... aku rasa mungkin aku mau gila sudah... and... aku rasa macam mau nangis berabis yg teramat... mcm mau hantak kepala d dinding biar pecah... mau kasi patah tangan ni... biar terus mati la... habis cerita...

time typing ni pun... tengah crying... im not sure... actually im sure... but... hmm... its my fault... bodoh juga kan... entah la apa aku cakap ni... aku mau memaki berabis!!!! kalau boleh aku mau buang laptop ni!!! aku mau hilang ingatan kalau boleh!! kenapa ah 2011 ni mcm ada something wrong? mcm ada yg nda kena dengan 2011.... hati nda keruan... hati ni mcm mau mati dan mati sja... kenapa ah?

aku heran lah... aku cuma mau cakap d cni...

1)menjaga!

2)menghargai!

3)jangan ambil kesempatan!

4)jangan pura-pura nda tau!

5)jangan buat bodoh!

6)memahami!

blablablablablablablablablabalblaablabalabalabal!!!!!

thanx!

now is 4th january....

mmm.... now is 12.25am.... i'm not sleepy yet...

sorry cos i didn't continue my blog yesterday... i just say wanna continue... but then... after do the house work... mengantuk pula... so... i get some sleep... lama juga lah tidur.... until my sister wake me up and ask me to take care of baby luke cos she wanna go out buy some stuff...

and yet... i'm still sleepy... but... it's my job... so... i need to fight lah supaya tidak mau tidur lagi...

then... take care of baby luke... kasi mandi dia and buat susu untuk dia... and kasi tidur cos he's crying... mengantuk... lepas dia tidur... sya pun mau ikut tidur... but mau avoid daripada tertidur...

macam biasa lah... smoking d beranda... :p

mmm.... today... i just made another decision... i let him go out with his friend... clubbing with mr.chivas... :) lalalalala...

nothing so much to say in this blog... i wan't to sleep but i can't... :( so... apa la mau buat ni? sot2 sudah.... huh....

ok la.... thats all lah for this post.... until see you tomorrow kio... cari movie syok dulu... if tda yang syok... i need to force my eyes to sleep... lol!

daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa~~~~

3rd day in 2011 :)

today is 3rd January 2011... it's still early actually... now is 9.13am... i want to sleep back but i can't... sleepy yes but this eyes buat hal nda mau tidur... i'm texting someone but no reply... might be still sleep kali... maklum lah kogutanz... :p

hmm... layan game boring sudah... fb? same... teda yg menarik perhatian... so i decide to do some house work lah... plus... my BIL is around for today... he can take care of melody and luke...

so, ambil lah kesempatan untuk buat kerja rumah... :)

before that... i need to smoking... refill energy lah kunun...

i will continue after this... daaaaa.....

be matured~

its 2nd day in the new year... 2011... well... just left another 3days until i'm going back to Labuan...

mmm... my title be matured... yeah... the age is makin lama makin naik sudah... it's not good bha kan if perangai still like budak2... i mean yes control other people... kesian juga lah kan... so, i let you go then... :)

yes...i'm totally happy with the decision that i made...is it true what i'm talking about? hell yes... but actually kan... 10-90 LOL... :p

this blog i write before i'm going to sleep very the well... i need to control my angry feelings now... cos... when talking on the phone just now... just ily? just imy? and nite? :/

i'm a lil bit angry... like... please appreciate the chance that i give to you... do appreciate me... really disappointed actually... but... what can i do... kepala orang tengah pusing2... im get mad pun no use...

the important thing is... now i wanna sleep well... just wish myself lah... "good night, sleep well, sleep tite, sweet dreams"... :)